


Consequences

by Ticktockmrcopper



Category: Ballum, EastEnders (TV)
Genre: ballum - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 22,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22815754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ticktockmrcopper/pseuds/Ticktockmrcopper
Summary: Callums ordeal in the warehouse will trigger ptsd
Relationships: Ballum - Relationship, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, ben and callum - Relationship
Comments: 23
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

Darkness everywhere. Silence. Freezing cold. Callum coudnt breathe. It felt like the walls were closing in. All he could hear was the faint drip of water and the wind. He didnt know if there was a hole in the roof of the warehouse somewhere. He could smell damp. It was so cold he could see his breath in the air. The rattling of chains. His wrists were so sore. The chains were rubbing against the deep cuts in his wrists. Callum took a few deep breaths and looked around. Nothing. He didnt know how long it had been since keanu had been here ranting and raving about Ben. When keanu was here Callum was terrified. He was so different ,so cold , void of emotion. He never knew what he was going to say or do next. The way he spoke about Ben scared him. The thought of his boyfriend made Callum's heart ache. He longed to be in Ben's warm arms and feel his heartbeat. He missed his boyfriend so much and not knowing when he would see him again made his heart skip several beats. He knew ben would be beside himself at Keanu kidnapping him but he just wanted this whole nightmare to be over. Callum froze, the sound of a door and footsteps. Callum's heart dropped to his stomach and he tried to compose himself. The dark ominous figure of Keanu Taylor appeared in front of him looking down at him. His eyes scanned Callum's face not saying anything. Callum didnt know what to say or do. Keanu crouched down in front of him. Callum felt his lungs constrict. What did Keanu want now? 

What felt like hours passed and then Keanu said softly "Your boyfriend is taking his time". 

Callum felt relief at Keanu finally breaking the silence mixed with comprehension. 

"You know Ben aint got that sort of money Keanu". 

Keanu stood up shaking his head. 

"I dont know anything any more. Things used to be simple there were lines you didnt cross and now its all changed!"

He smacked his hand on the table. Callum flinched desperation rising inside him. 

"Bens not the one keeping me here though is he?!" 

Keanu said coldy "No but hes the one who can get u out of here though. One phone call and this will all be over!"

Keanu rubbed his face sighing deeply. Callum stared at him a mixture of pity and hope coiling inside his stomach.

"This really ain't you is it?"

Keanu turned round to face callum and laughed bitterly. 

"Thats what i said to martin at christmas in that warehouse. This aint you. And yeah your right if you had told me a few months ago I'd be pulling a stunt like this".

Keanu paused and started at callum his face hardening.

"But thats what happenes when you get involved with the Mitchells. Everything changes. You change". 

Callums face dropped his resolve crumbling.

"Look at me and you" keanu said looking at callum. 

Callum nodded slightly and he lowered his eyes his shoulders drooping.

Callum opened his eyes feeling disorientated. He must have fallen asleep. Was it morning? He had no idea. He groaned as the rush of cold wrapped around his body, the soreness of his wrists coming back and the sharp stabbing of pins and needles in his legs. With difficulty he managed to push himself up into a sitting position, even that small movement exhausted him. He felt so weak , his throat was dry , his stomach was empty and his head was pounding. Callum longed for a jacket or blanket he was freezing in just his suit. He longed for Ben's warm safe touch. He thought of Ben and Lexi having breakfast together, Lexi complaning about her cereal and Ben laughing at her. Callum's eyes filledwith tears. He missed them so much. Hell he would even happily sit and listen to Stuart and Rainie drone on about conning people at the funeral parlour. Callum had always hated it when Stuart woudn't leave him alone but now he wished more than ever his big brother was here. He thought back to when they were kids hiding under a 'tent' they made out of blankets with a torch while their Dad drank downstairs ranting and raving. Stuart always let him have the better torch and promised he woudn't let Dad hurt him. He would tell Callum stupid ghost stories and when the all too familar sound of footsteps appeared Stuart would hug him tight and whisper "I got u bro" and disappear out of the room. Then Callum would hear the kicks and punches and he would huddle further under the tent crying terrified for his brother. After what seemed like hours Stuart would come back into the room covered in cuts and bruises. He would look at Callum and say "Don't cry Callum,its ok I'm your brother its what I'm here for"

Callum took a deep breath and tried to imagine he was in the makeshift tent with his big brother listening to terrible ghost stories that Stuart found hilarious. But the cold was all too real, the hunger and thirst was rapidly creeping in, the pain in his head was growing and his body felt weaker. The soreness and numbness in his wrists and legs consumed him. Tears began falling thick and fast down Callums face. His body shook with sobs unable to hold in his terrified desperation anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More insight into Callums ordeal in the warehouse. Callum isnt having it easy guys.

Callum did not know how long Keanu had been gone when he came storming into the warehouse again. He felt the hairs on the back of his kneck stand up. Keanu's demeanour was sinister and threatening. He stood in front of Callum looking down at him with a strange smile on his face. 

"Your boyfriend came through with the money". 

Callum let out a deep breath shock and relief flooding through him. 

"He he got it?"

Callum had never felt so relieved in his life. He didnt know how Ben had done it but he didn't care. He just wanted to be free. 

Keanu said "Yeah he got it". 

The phone rang.

"Hello" said keanu.

Ben's voice appeared on the end of line.

"It's me I gave u the money. Now where's Callum?"

Keanu laughed and Callum felt uneasy. 

"You remember what i said to you Ben all those months ago. You'll find someone that will see beneath all of this and youll understand. When you love someone."

Ben's breathing came deep and heavy.

"Stop playing games keanu. Wheres Callum"?

Keanu turned to look at Callum.

"He's right here, you want to speak to him?"

Ben gave a sharp breath. 

"Yes yes let me speak to him".

Keanu smiled at the panic and desperation in Ben's voice. He put the phone on speaker and put it near Callum. 

"Your boyfriend wants to speak to you". 

Callum felt his heart beat fast longing to hear Ben's voice. 

"Ben" he said shakily. 

"Callum said ben his relief palpable. Callum are u alright?" 

Callum smiled Ben's voice soothing his nerves and pain. 

"Yeah im alright. You?"

Ben gave a nervous laugh that callum knew all too well.

"Yeah im alright. Im so sorry Callum but everythings going to be alright now i promise". 

Pause. 

"Callum? Callum are u there?"

Silence. 

Bens breathing heavy and fast. 

"Keanu? Keanu whats going on?"

Keanu's hand was pressed down tight over Callums   
mouth preventing him from speaking. Callum was terrified he did not know what was going on. It had been so good to hear Ben's voice and he had been about to tell him it was ok he didnt blame him when he felt a hand cover his mouth and he was unable to make a sound. 

Keanu said menacingly "Remember what u said Ben thats what love is. It gets given to you and it gets taken away."

Bens voice was panicky.

"Keanu Keanu please i gave you the money just tell me where callum is please!"

Keanu laughed.

"People like you they dont deserve it". 

Ben swore down the phone. 

"I swear keanu if u dont tell me where Callum is"... 

"What? What will you do?"

Bens panicked breathing could be heard on the phone. 

" You'll never see lover boy again" keanu said softly looking down at Callum. 

"Callum , Ben screamed keanu no wait please!"

Keanu ended the call and removed his hand from Callum's mouth. Callums breaths came in shallow bursts his body shaking. 

"Keanu Callum said shakily looking up at him pleadingly. Please please don't do this". 

Keanu looked at Callum blankly.

"Sorry mate but i told you Ben Mitchell is going to get everything thats coming to him". 

He turned and walked away leaving callum in a pleading wreck on the floor . 

Callum pulled desperately on his chains trying to free himself but all he did it was succeed in making the wounds on his wrists worse fresh blood seeping out of them. Callum screamed in frustration his chest heaving. He scanned the room desperately even though he had looked for any way of freeing himself a hundred times before. He shook his head, he couldn't let himself think what could happen to him because that would mean giving up hope and if he did that...  
Callum closed his eyes desperately trying to calm himself. 

Outside the warehouse Keanu growled in frustration. He still couldn't get hold of Sharon. He had the money, they just needed to get out of here. He wasn't stupid he knew Ben would be after him. Keanu hesitated looking at the warehouse. The thought of leaving Callum to die made him uneasy. He was Ben Mitchell's boyfriend and there was doubt how precious he was to Ben. Keanu had taken great pleasure in taunting Ben about Callum , hearing and seeing how desperate he was to see Callum again and how he had pleaded with Keanu not to hurt Callum anymore. But keanu knew deep down Callum didn't deserve this. He was a fool for getting involved with a mitchell and he was still seething that Callum knew what the Mitchells had done but he was a decent guy. Keanu could see how afraid he was and he couldn't shake his doubts. He rubbed his head unsure what to do.

Callum rested his head against the wall feeling more weak and exhausted than before. His whole body ached , he was frozen and his vision was starting to blur. He had a weird metal taste in his mouth and his heart was banging against his chest. The pain in his head was getting worse. Callum heard footsteps and saw Keanu. A mixture of relief and trepidation flooded his stomach. He was trying to work out what to say or do to save his life when the phone rang. Callums heart stopped. Was it Ben? He focused on Keanu straining to hear anything.

"Ben" Keanu said slowly listen". 

"No came Bens voice on the other line. You listen because I've got something of yours too". 

Silence. 

"Keanu he's got a gun!"

Keanu was silent for a moment.

"Sharon". 

Ben laughed.

"Yeah thats right I've got your little cougar here. Now you return Callum to me in the hour". 

Keanu shook his head and exclaiming "Ben if you..!"

But the phone went dead. Keanu stood there staring at the phone. Callum looked at Keanu confused. 

"Keanu? What's he done? What's Ben done?"

Keanu turned and ran out of the warehouse.

"Keanu" Callum screamed what's he done? No dont leave me dont leave me here! Keanu dont leave me!" 

Without thinking and in a blind panic Callum attempted to stand up and lost his balance toppling over onto his back. He screamed in pain and frustration. His back was killing him and his wrists hurt more than ever. He attempted to get up but realised to his horror he was trapped under something big and heavy. Sharp pain shot through him. He heaved in deep breaths and tries to free himself but he was restricted by these god damn chains and the heavy object and couldn't move. Callum tried not to panic but he was feeling increasingly claustrophobic and cold dread settled in his stomach at the thought of being alone and trapped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum's physical well being is deteriorating along with his state of mind. And a rescue might be on the way....

Callum squeezed his eyes shut trying not to let his thoughts consume him. But lying here in the cold and dark trapped and fearing for his life was an all too familar feeling and not one he wanted to re visit. Tears flooded his eyes as the memories from the army came rushing back. Loud sounds , screaming, crying. The image of the child and her mum. Chris. Callum let out a sob as the reality of his situation and the memories from the army consumed him. 

Callum stared at the dark walls of the warehouse feeling drained. He had screamed and cried and fought to free himself for what seemed like days. His wrists were torn to shreds but the pain was dull rather than sharp now. He hardly had any feeling in his legs now. His stomach and throat felt raw and his head heavy. His body was so cold it shook but weakly. His heart wasnt pounding on his chest anymore it was slow and his breath was visible in the cold air. Callum wondered if this is what it felt like for the soldiers who lay on the battlefield dying. Was this what it felt like for the mum knowing she would never see her child again? Is this what it felt like for Chris? Callum closed his eyes as hopelessness washed over him. Bens face appeared in front of him. Oh Ben , Callum's heart broke as his boyfriend face flooded his brain. He would never see Ben again never feel his touch. Never be able to tell him he loved him again. Callum felt broken he knew Ben would blame himself like he did with Paul and the thought of it broke his heart. He coudnt bear the thought of Ben going of the rails again drinking , fighting sleeping with faceless men. Lexi. Callum's heart hurt as he pictured her sweet little face smiling up at him. He hoped she would be enough to keep Ben sane. Stuart, how he wished he had more time with his big brother. It had taken him a while to forgive Stuart after everything with the Carter's and Ben but they had got there in the end and Callum had never doubted stuarts love and fiercely, loyal protectiveness towards him even when it was misguided. Callum felt pain both physical and emotional wash through him. His visison was more blurred than ever and the room was starting to spin. Callum just wanted to sleep. It woudnt be long now...maybe death was as easy as going to sleep. He pictured Ben's face as his eyes started to close.

"Here stop!", Jay slammed on the brakes and the car halted.

"Are you sure mate" Jay said. Its just some diused paper mill". 

Ben ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Yes jay. Look just stay here and keep watch out". 

Stuart glared at ben.

"He better be here". 

"He will Ben said lets go". 

Ben raced into the warehouse stuart a few paces behind. 

"Callum" Ben and Stuart yelled. Callum can you hear me?"

Stuart and Ben went of in different directions searching for him. Ben looked around desperately hoping he wasnt too late.

Callum felt himself coming around again and he groaned as the warehouse started to come back into focus. No please he thought just let it end. He felt weak and disorientated, he could feel pain but very numbly but his head and throat felt awful. He closed his eyes willing himself to go back to sleep. He thought he could hear his name being called and laughed weakly to himself. Hearing noises and hallucination were signs of dehydration. Callum was surprised it hadnt happened earlier. It made him feel better though knowing the nightmare would be over soon. 

"Callum! "Callum! 

Callum smiled to himself feeling soothed. Footsteps were getting louder and nearer and he heard HIM. 

Ben raced around the warehouse feeling more frantic as he couldn't find Callum. He had no idea the state he would be in and it terrified him. Just seeing the picture of him chained up, bleeding and scared had broken his heart. He had to be here somewhere...unless...no he coudnt allow himself to consider the thought. Ben looked around and was about to go the other way when out of the corner of his eye he spotted a dark figure on the floor. He edged closer his heart in his mouth. The dark shape on the floor came into view and Ben froze. CALLUM. 

"Callum!" "Callum!"

Callum squeezed his eyes shut longing to see bens face and block everything else out. Ben raced towards callum and dropped to his knees beside him. The picture before him chilled him to his core. Callum lay trapped underneath a heavy object his ankles bound together, his wrists chained up and bleeding, his clothes were dirty and a gag hung around his kneck. Ben looked at his face, he was deathly pale, his hair normally done in a perfect quiff lay lank and loose and what looked like tear tracks were etched on his face along with dried blood from the punch Ben had heard down the phone. He had no idea if Keanu had caused any more injury since then and he could not bear the thought. He lifted the object trapping Callum carefully. Ben touched Callum's face gently. 

"Callum please wake up".

Callum felt Ben's touch and it felt cool and soothing on his face. He heard Ben's voice.

"Callum please wake up". 

He felt so real. But he couldn't be real. Could he? He felt bens familar hand run through his hair and the voice sounded more frantic and pleading. 

"Callum? Callum please open your eyes im sorry im so sorry".

A loud sob ripped through Callum's heart. His eyes slowly flickered open and Ben's blurred face appeared. Callum blinked and Ben's face slowly came into focus. Was he still hallucinating? Was this real? Ben looked so real. So beautiful. So worried. So sad.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rescue mission, heartbreaking scenes between our boys and maybe an ily....

Ben ran his hands through Callum's hair willing him to wake up. Being able to see and touch Callum was a relief but he still hadnt woken up. Ben couldn't hold back a sob as the current state of his boyfriend stared him in the face. 

"Callum he sobbed please open your eyes. Im sorry im so sorry". 

Bens body shook with sobs as he gently caressed callums hair.

Callum blinked confused as Ben was in front of him holding him and sobbing. It seemed so real. Could it really be him? Callum knew he was seriously dehydrated and not lucid but Ben looked and felt so real and seeing and hearing him cry tugged at his heart strings. 

"Ben" his voice came out in barley a whisper.

Ben froze at Callum's voice and frantically pulled him up into his arms.

"Callum callum.its ok im here it's ok".

Callum felt a wave of hope. Did he dare to believe it was real?

"Ben is that really you" . 

His head lolled weakly in Ben's arms his eyes never leaving Ben's face.

Ben looked down at Callum pain and love shining in his eyes.

"Yes he said fiercely it's me everythings going to be ok"

He cradled Callum carefully in his arms not wanting to hurt his already fragile body. Callum felt a wave of emotions as he realised Ben was really there and he rested his head against Ben's chest breathing in deeply. Ben kissed the top of his head and held him closely.

"I love you Callum". 

Tears streamed down his face as he cursed himself for not telling Callum sooner how much he loved him. He just hoped they would have the rest of their lives to tell Callum every day how much he loved him.

Stuart came running.

"Callum? Callum?!"

Stuart stared in horror at the state of his brother. Ben looked at him defensively his eyes red and swollen. 

"Call an ambulance".

Stuart nodded staring at Callum in horror and called the ambulance. Ben held Callum in his arms playing with his hair and murmuring gentle reassurances. Callum lay in Ben's lap weak and exhausted but overwhelmed with relief to have been rescued. He didnt have the strength to say much but Ben holding him and reassuring him and knowing Stuart was near was enough for him. He smiled at Ben's declaration of love for him. He had always known but hearing him say it made his heart soar. 

"I love you Ben"

The sound of sierens footsteps voices. Callum felt confused and he panicked when he felt Ben's touch leave him. He felt himself being lifted onto a stretcher and he looked around wildly. A hand held his softly and squeezed.

A familar voice spoke to him " It's ok the ambulance is here". 

Callum felt a wave of dizziness come over him and everything sounded far away. His eyelids felt heavy and then everything went dark.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No callum. Ben and stuart are in hospital waiting for news on Callum. Intense scenes between them and it gets pretty intense and brutual. Paul mention. Ben breakdown

Ben and stuart sat in the waiting room at the hospital in silence. Ben felt numb inside. The past 24 hours had been crazy. Rescuing callum had been a massive relief but finding him in that state. Ben closed his eyes he would never able to forget the image of Callum chained up like animal trapped on the floor. His face was so white and he looked so fragile. White hot rage bubbled up inside of him. He had felt so cold. It had been freezing inside that warehouse and the thought of Callum being cold for days. Ben took a deep breath. 

Stuart sat in silence struggling to comprehend everything that had happened. He felt guilt for not knowing something had happened to Callum. The sight of his little brother chained up and beaten. Stuart felt physically sick. He had always protected his little brother. He had promised their grandad he would take care of Callum. Even when they were kids anyone that had picked on Callum paid the price. All those times their good for nothing Dad had drunk himself into oblivion and took it out on them Stuart had taken it for Callum. Every punch , every kick he took it. And now Callum lay in a hospital bed fighting for his life. Because of Keanu Taylor. Because of him. Because of Ben Mitchell.

Ben looked up and saw Stuart staring at him. His stomach clenched. He knew what was coming. He had seen it in the warehouse when they found Callum. Even before when he had told Stuart everything. Because even though they hated each other they both loved Callum. They would both do anything for Callum. Callum was the one thing they had in common. And the worst thing was Ben knew Stuart was right. He knew he was no good for Callum. He knew it was his fault. All of it. He could tell himself it was keanu's fault Martin's fault but he knew.

Deep down he blamed himself and he hated himself for putting Callum in danger. He was the reason Callum got hurt. And he couldn't forgive himself for it. He loved Callum so much it hurt. He had always feared that Callum would get hurt and thats why he had broken up with him. And it happened. His worst fear had come true. But Ben coudnt bring himself to be without Callum again. Not after nearly losing him. Not unless Callum didn't want him too. He looked at Stuart and braced himself.

"What?"

Stuart stared at ben hatred written all over his face. 

"Your the reason Callum is in here" he said slowly. Your the reason he got hurt". 

Ben nodded trying not to let Stuart's words hurt him.

"I told you before bad things happen around you. I told you i didnt want Callum getting hurt." 

Bens heart raced and he could feel his emotions rising but he fought them. 

"I said this would happen just like your last boyfriend Paul". 

At the mention of Paul's name Ben's head snapped up and his breathing became fast and constricted. He pointed a shaking finger at Stuart. 

"Dont....dont mention him".

"Why not Stuart said egged on by bens anger. Its true isnt it". 

Ben shook his head his fists clenched by his side. Being reminded of Paul felt like a knife to the heart . He touched the ring on his finger. The thought of nearly losing Callum too felt like someone had crushed his heart in their hands. 

" I would never hurt Callum". 

"You already have Stuart yelled. The minute you stepped into his life you been hurting him!"

Ben laughed bitterly. "And your such a saint? Stitching your best mate up and sending him to prison? Beating me up and leaving me for dead?"

Stuart advanced on Ben. 

" Because of you Callum's in there right now fighting for his life. He could die you know that?"

Ben felt his eyes grow wet and his heart beat faster. He knew Stuart was right but he coudnt let himself fall apart in front of Stuart Highway. 

"Because of you Callum was all alone in that warehouse with that nutter. He was probaly terrified for his life not knowing what was going to happen to him and thats on you!"

Ben struggled to contain his emotions tears were in his eyes and his breathing was fast and furious.

" You destroy every thing you touch Stuart snarled standing in front of Ben. Everyone who gets involved with you gets hurt or ends up DEAD!"

Stuart stood so close to Ben his back was now pressed against the wall. 

"If he dont make it...if my little brother dies "... 

Stuart paused staring at Ben whose face was shining with tears now any fight or resolve gone. 

"Just know its on you and i will make you pay every single day". 

Stuart glared at him and then walked out of the room. Ben let out a long shaky breath and slid down the wall as he broke down into gut wrenching sobs.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only Ben with his thoughts and regrets over Paul and Callum. Its a pretty short chapter this time, i wanted the focus to just be on Ben's pain here.

Ben sat on the hospital steps outside breathing in fresh air. His head was pounding he felt sick to his stomach and his heart was racing. There was still no news on Callum, he was desperate to know that he was going to be okay. Ben needed him to be okay. He coudnt get Stuart's words out of his head. 

"Everything you touch gets destroyed", "end up hurt or DEAD" , "just like Paul!".

Ben buried his head in his hands wishing he could rip the thoughts out of his head. He coudnt stop seeing Callum's broken body on the floor so still , his face so pale. His wrists that were bloodied so badly he coudnt see his white skin, caught up in those chain's . His hair all messed up and the blood and tear marks on his face. It made Ben sick to his stomach. Callum had been hurt and treated like an animal, the terror and pain he must have gone through. Ben exhaled deeply and looked up at the sky. Paul's face swam into his mind and the stabbing pain in his chest grew.

"Oh Paul im so sorry" he whispered his eyes swimming with tears. 

He twisted at the ring on his finger hating himself for causing pain to the two men in his life he loved. Loved for Ben had loved Paul with all his heart but he was gone now and Ben had moved on. Something he had never thought he'd be able to do but he had in Callum. Sweet Callum , funny Callum , good hearted sincere Callum. The callum who saw the good in everyone. TheCallum m who loved him no matter what. The tightness in Ben's chest increased. He knew he had loved him since....well he couldn't even remember now for he coudnt imagine a time not loving Callum but he had always loved him. And like the idiot he was he had never told him until well a few hours ago when Callum , his Callum lay dying on the floor. Fresh tears spilled out of Ben's eyes and his body shook with sorrow and regret.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only Stuart. His thoughts about finding his little brother in that state and his fears of losing him.  
> Stuart was pretty brutal to Ben in the last chapter but i wanted to show his feelings on the situation and callum to soften the blow of the last chapter.

Stuart paced the waiting room up and down trying to contain his agitation. It felt like Callum had been in there for hours and no one was telling him anything. He couldn't get the image of his brother , his little brother lying on the warehouse floor trusssed up in chains like an animal. His beautiful face covered in blood his wrists all bloodied and his legs tied up. He looked so fragile like he could shatter any moment. The image would haunt him forever. Stuart couldn't bear the thought of Callum in pain and scared. He didnt know what that Taylor animal had done to him. The thought of it made his insides twist. He rubbed his knuckles pacing up and down. When Ben had told him that Keanu had Callum he thought it was some sick joke. He would know if Callum was in trouble. He would know if Callum was hurt or in danger because Stuart had protected him his whole life, never let anything happen to him if he could help it. He had never let his dad physically hurt Callum, he had always taken the brunt of it and he stuck around purely for Callum because he knew if he had left, Callum would become the punching bag and Stuart couldn't let that happen.

So he stayed and he didn't regret a moment of it, those precious times with his baby brother making tents out of blankets playing toy soldiers and telling ghost stories. He had been so proud when Callum got into the army and slight relief because now Callum was free from their dad and so was he. Things had gone bad for a while and he lost his way but they got through it. And he had struggled with Callum's sexuality he didnt understand it, but he accepted it because Callum was happy and he had been so brave and Stuart was proud. And even though he hated Ben he made Callum happy so Stuart accepted it. But he had always been afraid of Callum getting hurt by Ben and now....well now it had come true. Stuart slumped into the chair and sighed. He looked at the screensaver of him and Callum on his phone and he felt a lump rise in his throat. He couldn't lose Callum....he just couldn't.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. This chapter focuses on Ben and Jay. I have always loved their brotherly relationship and i miss it. Also Ben needs some Jay love and a hug so here goes.

"Hey mate".

Ben looked up and saw Jay standing in front of him. 

"Been trying to call you. Any news?"

Ben shook his head. Jay looked at him sympathetically and sat down next to him. They were silent for a few moments. Ben fiddled with the ring on his finger.

" Its all my fault Jay". 

Jay looked at Ben and put a hand on his shoulder. 

"What no, no Ben listen to me this aint your fault".

Ben laughed looking at Jay

"Yeah it is i messed up Pauls life now I've...ive messed up Callums". 

He shook his head looking down at his hands. 

"You know when me and Callum broke up at christmas".

Jay nodded "yeah".

"Well i did it to protect him, because i knew he would only get hurt,my world it aint for him". 

Jay replied "Ben listen what happened thats on Keanu. I know what you told me but you didnt make him do this. He made his choice. He chose to hurt Callum This this it aint on you". 

He increased the pressure on Ben's shoulder. Ben touched Jays hand on his shoulder his composure slipping. 

"I just i just want him to be ok Jay". 

"Come here" Jay said pulling Ben into a hug. 

They sat on the steps holding each other tight as Ben cried.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brief scene between Ben Jay and Stuart. Callum wakes up. Sweet Highway brothers scene.

Stuart looked up as the door opened and Ben and Jay walked in. He said nothing as they sat down. Ben looked at Stuart and then looked away. Jay looked at them and said,

"Look stuart we dont want any trouble". 

Ben looked sheepishly at the floor as Jay spoke. 

Stuart smiled at jay and said " No trouble here mate. I only care about my brother". 

Jay nodded. There was silence and then the doctor came into the room. 

"Mr Highway" he said.

"Is he ok"? Stuart asked

. Ben watched them intently. 

"He's stable" said the doctor. He had sepsis from the wounds on his wrist but luckily we were able to catch it quickly. Your brother also had hyothermia, injuries to his ribs and legs and hes on a drip for dehydration". 

"But hes going to be ok" asked Stuart. 

The doctor nodded "He had a close call and we need to keep him under close observation but hes through the worst of it".

Stuart laughed in relief. Ben exhaled looking up at the ceiling , Jay put a hand on his shoulder.

"Can i see him?" Stuart asked standing up. 

"Yes the doctor said but he'll be very groggy so dont expect too much and only 1 visitor at a time for now please". 

Stuart looked at Ben who nodded and Stuart left the room.

"There u go mate" Jay said clapping Bens back. He's going to be fine".

Ben nodded still struggling to take it all in. 

Stuart entered the room. Callum lay on the hospital bed attached to tubes and a breathing mask on his face. He looked round when Stuart entered the room. Stuart smiled in happiness and relief to see his brother. He sat down in the chair next to the bed. 

"Hey little bro he said shakily you gave us all a scare there mate". 

Callums hand rose up slowly as he attempted to remove the mask. 

"Hey Stuart said softly leave that. You need that". You've had a rough few hours mate".

He took Callum's hand squeezing it. 

"Thought I'd lost you mate. What have i told you about running of and scaring me like that ay? Just like when we were kids playing outside. You always did like to run off". 

He laughed affectionately. Callum smiled through his breathing mask and attempted to remove it again. Stuart relented. 

"Alright hold on bruv let me help you". 

Stuart carefully removed the mask from callums face. Callum looked at stuart groggily.

"Stu". 

Stuart squeezed his hand. 

"Yeah mate im here it's alright your alright now". 

Callum nodded and a tear rolled down his cheek. Stuart wiped the tear away and cupped Callum's cheek.

"Hey its ok dont get upset you need to take it easy". 

Callum nodded holding stuarts hand. He allowed stuart to put the mask back on and after a few minutes fell asleep. Stuart stayed by his side watching his little brother vowing to never let anything bad happen to him again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot more intense and is the start of Callum's ptsd. We see more flashbacks to Callums time in the warehouse and an upsetting hospital scene. No Ballum reunion yet.

The dark dank warehouse. The smell of damp. The dripping of water . A wave of unbearable cold engulfed Callum wrapping itself around him. He tried to move but his wrists were encased in cold chains that cut into his skin leaving bloody marks. He couldn't catch his breath, something was wrapped around his mouth blocking him from speaking and as he tried to move his legs he realised with horror they were bound together with rope. Panic was rising in Callum now and his heart was racing. He looked around but all he could see was dark dank gloominess. His head was killing him.He struggled to process his thoughts as he remembered getting ready for his police assessment and Ben was there. They were going to meet at the albert after. Then the buzzer....then....a chill went through callum as he remembered...Keanu standing in the doorway of his flat. And then he didnt remember anything until he woke up now. Terrifyingly long moments passed as Callum tried to think what to do when footsteps and then that awful figure of Keanu appeared in front of him. He came closer....Callum couldn't breathe terror flooded his body he tried to scream but couldn't and then bright lights appeared everything was faraway and he could hear his name being called.

"CALLUM! CALLUM!"

Stuart was sitting in the chair next to Callum on his phone texting Rainie when he heard Callum whimper. He looked up and Callum was making pained sounds through his mask and his body was beginning to shake. His arms and legs were begining to flail and Stuart could hear Callum begin to sob through his mask. Something was really wrong. 

"CALLUM? CALLUM?! 

Callum's eyes opened and he shot up from the bed. Stuart grabbed him and steadied him.

"Callum callum its me Stu its alright your in the hospital mate". 

He kept his hands on Callum's shoulders and Callum slowly calmed down as Stuart and the hospital room came into focus. He ripped the mask from his face. Stuarts worried face came into focus. 

"Sstu? 

Stuart nodded "yeah mate its me. Your alright you just had a bad dream i think. Must be the morphine ay"? 

He joked weakly smiling wearily at Callum. Callum nodded and laughed weakly not meeting Stuart's eyes. He felt shame creep through him. How could he be so stupid? Stuart laid Callum's head back on the pillows and reattached his breathing mask. He sat back down and watched Callum with a worried look. Callum stared up at the ceiling trying to block everything out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BALLUM reunion

Jays phone pinged. 

"Its lola". 

"Its alright mate" Ben said you get off. Give lexi a cuddle from me". 

Jay paused " you sure?"

Ben nodded.

"Alright Jay said say hi to callum for me yeah? And il give lex a cuddle from him too". 

"Thanks mate" Ben said smiling weakly. 

Jay clapped Ben's shoulder and left the room. Ben laid back in the chair. He didnt know how much longer Stuart would be in there. He couldnt blame him of course he would never want to leave Callum's side again after this. The door opened and Stuart entered. 

"He's asking for you". 

Ben nodded relief washing through him. 

"How is he"? he asked. 

Stuart tutted. "As well as can be expected for someone who was left to die in a warehouse".

Ben nodded swallowing back any retorts. He left the room and paused outside the window of Callum's bay. He looked so fragile laying there with tubes everywhere and a breathing mask. Ben hesitated feeling torn. He had been aching to see Callum for ages but now he was here he was terrified. Terrified of looking him in the eye knowing what he had caused. What if Callum blamed him? Ben breathed in trying to calm himself. Maybe it was better he didnt go in. He nearly killed the man he loved. He should just leave him alone and let him live a peaceful life. At that moment callums head turned and he saw Ben through the window. His eyes met Ben's and in that moment all of Ben's doubt washed away and was replaced with love and a yearning to hold Callum. He took a deep breath and opened the door. He stood by Callum's bed looking at him. The blood had been washed from his face leaving only some cuts and bruises. His hair lay flat on his head devoid from its usual hairstyle but he still looked so beautiful. But his demeanour was still fragile and weak and it made bens heart ache. 

"Hey" he whispered. 

Callum smiled his big smile reserved only for Ben his eyes shining with emotion. 

"Hey". 

Ben edged closer to the bed and then bent down and kissed Callum's forehead gentley just like he did before the kidnap. Callum closed his eyes at Ben's touch, the touch he thought he would never feel again. He felt a lump rising in his throat and he tried to fight it. Ben sat down gripping Callums hand tightly staring at him with a strange expression on his face.

"What is it?" Callum asked concerned. 

Ben felt his heart break at the look of concern from Callum. He had been the one who suffered and he was stil worrying about other people. He shook his head. 

" What happened it's my fault its all my fault". 

Callum shook his head but Ben carried on. 

"You got hurt Callum and im sorry. I should have protected you. You got hurt because of me". 

His voice was shaky and tears were in his eyes. Callum gripped bens hand.

"Its not your fault, what Keanu did thats on him its all on him!"

Ben struggled to contain his emotions. 

"Im sorry callum im so so sorry" , he started to break down. 

Callum cupped his face in his hands.

"Hey its ok its not your fault. Come here".

Ben held onto Callum for dear life sobbing. Callum rested his chin on Ben's head soothing him. They held onto each other for a long time.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute domestic hospital scenes between Ben and Callum. Stuart cant help blaming Ben again which upsets Callum.

Ben opened his eyes feeling groggy. It took him a moment to realise where he was. He lifted his head from Callum's hospital bed and watched his boyfriend sleeping, his chest rising. He was still attached to tubes and a breathing mask but his face looked peaceful as he slept. Ben smiled as he scanned Callum's face, the face he feared he would never see again. He reached out and removed a stray hair that had fallen in Callum's face. He traced around his face and cupped Callum's cheek in his hand feeling the wamth of his skin. Ben was relieved that Callum no longer felt frozen to the touch like he did in the warehouse. He shivered as the memory of Callum frozen and still came back to him. He made a mental note to buy Callum a warm winter jacket. As much as he loved his bomber jackets they wernt warm enough. Callum stirred and opened his eyes. He saw Ben and smiled.

"Morning sleepyhead" Ben said.

Callum chuckled. 

"Morning".

Bens face turned serious. 

"How are you feeling?" he asked taking Callum's hand and holding it. 

Callum swallowed and whispered "Better".

Ben stood up and poured him a glass of water. He put a straw in and held it to Callum's lips, his other hand cupping the back of Callum's head. Callum drunk slowly and then when he finished Ben helped him rest his head back on the pillows. 

Callum smiled at Ben.

"Thanks".

Ben nodded and took Callum's hand again. 

"You look better". 

Callum laughed softly.

"Thanks , you saying i looked awful yeah".

Ben laughed.

"I wouldn't say awful". 

They sat there contentedly for a while.

A knock on the door. Stuart appeared at the doorway holding a bunch of grapes. 

" Alright mate" he beamed at Callum. 

Callum smirked and gestured for him to come in. Stuart laid the grapes down on the table. 

"Wasn't sure what to get you, they say grapes are good right?

Callum chuckled and nodded "Thanks stu". 

Ben rolled his eyes. 

"How u feeling now bro? Better?"

"Yeah , callum said better thanks". 

Stuart shuffled his feet on the floor.

" Your lucky mate doctors said it was a close call, it was touch and go for a while there mate".

Callum nodded dejected.

"Yeah" he said quietly.

Ben took callums hand protectively. Stuart looked at Ben.

"No thanks to you ay mate"? 

"Stu" Callum said wearily. 

"Nah im sorry mate its true" Stuart said you were in this situation because of him!"

Ben looked at Stuart stony faced but silent. Callum shook his head.

"It aint his fault Stu. Keanu did this not Ben". Just...leave it". 

Callum put his breathing mask on as he struggled to catch his breath. Ben put a comforting hand on his shoulder and glared at Stuart.

"See what you've done".

Stuart looked at Callum apologetically. 

"Im...im sorry bruv i didnt mean". 

He shook his head.

"il come back later im sorry bro".

He left the room. Ben sat down next to callum and stroked his hair.

"Its ok" he said softly.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More cute scenes between Ben and Callum. An awkward scene between Ben and Stuart. More subtle hints of Callum's ptsd. This is going to be a long running fic so its a slow burner.

"Your taste in music is awful" Callum grumbled.

Ben gave a mocking shocked look.

"Excuse me Mr Highway il have you know camp rock has the best songs". 

Callum laughed. 

Ben smiled "its good to see you happy". 

Callum's smile faltered. "Well if you carry on torturing my ears like this i might have to arrest you for crimes against music". 

Ben chuckled and held out his wrists " Slap some handcuffs on then baby copper". 

They smiled at each other and Ben leaned in to kiss him. Callum felt safe and warm in Ben's touch. 

"Listen Ben said why don't i go and get you some decent grub ay? I know hospital foods rank".

Callum nodded. 

"Alright Ben said I won't be long".

He kissed Callum on the forehead and walked out of the room. He paused at the doorway and looked back at Callum.

"I love you ". 

Callum smiled "Love you too".

Ben left and Callum settled back in the bed and put his headphones on to listen to Ben's playlist feeling contented.

Ben walked out of the hospital and as he pushed the doors open he saw Stuart coming in. Ben's face hardened.

"Just going to get Callum some decent grub". 

Stuart nodded sheepishly as he replied "Right yeah im just on my way to see him".

Ben said cooly "Knock yourself out,anyway".

He went to move past. Stuart stopped him.

"Im I'm sorry what i said earlier...i shoudnt have...Callum he's... "

Stuart trailed off. Ben nodded.

"Yeah i get it. Tell Callum i wont be long yeah". 

Stuart nodded and Ben walked off. 

Stuart looked through the window and saw Callum sitting in the bed with his headphones on looking peaceful. He smiled to himself. it was good to see Callum back to himself again, well not fully back to himself but relaxed and happy anyway. He knocked on the door and went in. Callum started as Stuart came in. 

"Alright bruv" Stuart said cheerfully.

He chose to ignore Callum's alarm not wanting to draw attention to it and upset him anymore. 

Callum looked at Stuart startled and mumbled "Yeah you?" 

Stuart nodded. "Yeah good, listen bruv im sorry about earlier....i shouldn't have".

Callum looked at him wearily and said "Stu".

Stuart replied "No callum your my brother and i didnt mean to upset you...i would never.."

Callum gave a small smile as he said "Yeah i know". 

Stuart smiled back relieved "Yeah well i saw Ben just now and we...we straightened things out". 

Callum chuckled at his brother's choice of words and replied "Good". 

Callum sat on the bed listening to the playlist Ben had made him feeling contented. It helped keep his nerves at bay and being left alone for Ben had hardly left his side since. The music was as cheesy as hell but he loved that Ben had such cheesy taste in music. Callum laughed to himself as he thought about the square finding out that hard,bad Ben mitchell listened to camp rock. A loud banging noise startled him out of his thoughts. Callum jolted upright, his heart drumming against his ribs and his ears ringing with the loud banging. He looked up at stuart startled. 

"Alright bruv" Stuart asked him cheerfully. 

Callum tried to compose himself not wanting to draw Stuarts attention. To his relief Stuart said nothing and after a moment's he relaxed although his heart still drummed against his ribs and it took a while for his ears to stop ringing. He smiled and nodded as Stuart spoke barley taking in anything he was saying.

'It's fine he thought to himself its just been a rough few days and the morphines playing tricks on me'.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following on from last chapter. Ben being cute and fluffy. Poor Callum has another flashback. Ben is present for it.

Ben knocked on the door.

"Hey" he said smiling softly at Callum. 

Callum smiled back "Hey" he replied.

Stuart clapped Callum on the back. 

"Right I'd best get back to Rainie. Knowing her she'll have scared all the customers away". 

Callum laughed. "Thanks Stu". 

Stuarts eyes softened as he looked at Callum. "No worries Bro il come back later yeah?"

Callum nodded. Stuart and Ben nodded at each other and he left the room. Ben dumped the bag of food on the table. 

"Right he said hope your hungry got all your mcklunky favourites here". 

He started to remove the food items and can of drink from the bag. Callum looked at Ben thanking his lucky stars that he hadnt died. It still made him feel sick to his stomach when he thought about what could have happened. He was so thankful to still be here. Ben had been the last person he had thought about when he had thought he was going to die back in that warehouse. Callum shivered violently as the images of that awful place flashed through his mind, they were coming so quickly they were blurred and it made him feel sick. Bens voice and the warm touch of his hand brought Callum back to reality. 

"Callum? Hey Callum whats wrong? Talk to me". 

Callum blinked as Ben's face came into focus looking deeply worried. Callum took a few breaths to compose himself. Ben rubbed his back. 

"Its alright i got you" he said".

Callum put his hand on Bens and Ben covered it with his other hand. 

"Its alright im here" he said softly. 

Callum nodded feeling soothed but also stupid. What was wrong with him? 

"Im Im sorry" he mumbled looking down.

Ben ran his thumb over his hand. 

"You must think I'm stupid". 

"Hey" Ben said putting his hand on callums cheek dont be silly course i dont". 

Callum felt the heat creeping up his kneck and tears pricked his eyes.

"I dont know whats wrong with me". 

Ben sat down on the bed and put his arm around Callum. 

"Listen, what happened it was....know one thinks your stupid alright? And if they do....they got me to deal with".

Callum gave a choked laugh. 

"Come here" Ben said softly and he cradled Callum protectively in his arms until Callum was calm. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon eating food, playing music and laughing but Callum sensed Ben was watching him closely and Ben couldn't shake his concern for his boyfriend.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bens thoughts about Callum's upset

Ben sat by Callums hospital bed watching him sleep. He looked exhuasted as he slept. He had probably exerted himself too much this afternoon and his body was still weak. Ben gazed at his boyfriend fondly taking his face in. He didnt want to ever lose Callum again, the last week had been a nightmare. The only good thing was it had made Ben realise how much he loved him and he would tell him every day. He was never going to take a second with callum for granted again. He reached out and brushed Callum's hair out of his face. He looked at him for a moment his mind wandering back to earlier on. He had never seen Callum look so scared before. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened but his boyfriend had seemed to zone out and been in a nightmare. Ben couldnt get his face out of his head, the way his face had paled and looked haunted, the fear and vulnerability in his eyes. All Ben had wanted to do was take Callum's pain away and hold him close. He wasnt sure what to do next. Did he try and talk to Callum about it? Was it just a one off? Ben wasnt sure. But he knew he didnt want to see Callum like that again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum returns home and is forced to relieve the awful memories of what happened the last time he was in his flat. Ben gets an awful shock at the end. Is he over reacting or is there a simple explanation?

Ben folded up the last of Callum's clothes into his suitcase. He smiled at Callum.

" All done" he said brightly. 

Callum pouted at Ben.

"I am capable of packing my stuff you know".

Ben laughed at his boyfriend's exparated face. 

" I know he said fondly. Nothing wrong with letting me do stuff for you is there?" 

Callum sighed. " It's all any of you have been doing these last 2 weeks. You'd think im a invalid". 

He folded his arms frowning at Ben but his eyes twinkled. Ben smiled affectionately at Callum cupping his chin up gently to look at him and kissed him softly. Callum relented and returned Ben's kiss. A knock on the door interrupted them. They looked up and saw Stuart standing in the doorway. 

"Alright bruv"? He said cheerfully. All ready to go home?"

"Yeah Callum said smiling at his big brother. All ready". 

Ben picked up Callum's bags. " Lets go then kermit". 

Callum took one last look around the hospital room which had been his safe haven for the last 2 weeks and followed Ben and Stuart out of the room. 

Ben opened the car door for Callum who got out slowly holding his ribs. He looked up his flat with trepidation. Stuart opened the door and went inside with Callums bag. Ben stood waiting patiently for Callum. 

"Ready babe?" he asked softly. 

Callum came out of his reverie and nodded. He followed Ben up the stairs and into his flat. He swallowed down the feeling of unease in his chest. 

"Home sweet home Stuart said cheerfully. Me and rainie tidied the place up just how you like it". 

Callum managed a small smile. 

"Thanks Stu". 

Stuart beamed "Right well i need to get back to the parlour, lots of bookings. I'l leave you guys to it".

Ben picked up Callum's bag. 

"Il sort these out for you" he said glancing at callum then he disappeared into his room. 

Callum looked around the flat his sense of unease getting deeper. The buzzer , the footsteps walking up the stairs. He looked at the mirror remembering how he had stood there doing his tie getting ready for his assesment. Keanu in that cap, that beard stood there before him. Callum shuddered. He remembered waking up in a small dark space, the drowiness and confusion, the slow panic as he realised he couldn't move and saw his wrists and ankles were bound together, his breathing restricted by a gag around his mouth, only muffled sounds came out. The feeling of dread as he realised he was in a car boot and the confusion and terror as he remebered Keanu in his doorway and knocking him out. The car boot opened and he blinked as his eyes adjusted to dazzling light, he saw keanu's face looking down on him and then a white cloth covered his nose, a strong awful smell. Callum was helpless to do anything and then when he woke up again he found himself in that dark, cold warehouse gagged, wrists and ankles bound and chained up.

Callum gripped the edge of the table as his legs buckled, his breathing coming in fast, sharp bursts. He closed his eyes and tried to rid the memories burned into his brain. He didnt want Ben to see him like this. He took a few deep breaths and managed to steady himself. He slowly walked over to the sink and with shaking hands poured himself a glass of water. Callum leant against the sink and flexed his hands trying to stop them from shaking. Ben came into the kitchen.

"All sorted Mr Highway" he said smiling at Callum. 

Callum nodded and took a sip of water to calm himself. His hand shook only slightly but Ben spotted it. Ben's smile faltered for a second but when Callum looked at him he was smiling again. 

" You ok?" he asked keeping his voice even.

Callum smiled and nodded. "Yeah fine, im home" he said. 

Ben nodded returning Callums smile determined not to upset his boyfriend. 

"Why don't we have a pizza and movie day ay" he said taking Callum's hand and squeezing it. 

Callum smiled affectionately at Ben's touch

"Yeah ok" he said softly. But your getting the pizza and beers". 

Ben chuckled "okay okay. Won't be long".

He kissed Callum and paused at the doorway. 

"You going to be ok"? He asked looking at him anxiously.

Callum laughed.

"Yeah of course go". 

Ben still looked anxious but his eyes softened and he nodded. 

"Ok il be back soon". 

Callum listened to Ben's footsteps down the stairs and the sound of the door opening and closing. He let out a long deep breath and sunk into a chair. He glanced around the flat trying to keep calm. This is silly he thought this is my home. Keanu's gone and im fine. Callum rubbed his hands together trying to keep hinself grounded. He looked down at his hands and spotted the deep red marks on his wrists from the chains that his wrists had been encased in. They would defintley scar. The sight of them just triggered memories of the warehouse for Callum. He could feel the cold sharp roughness of the chains now cutting into his skin, along with the ropes that his hands had been bound in. The pins and needles along with the soreness and stinging. Callum buried his face in his hands rubbing at his temples desperate for the memories to stop. He was home now, he was safe so why did he still feel so terrified and hopless. He leant back in the chair staring up at the ceiling as his thoughts swirled around in his head. 

Ben headed towards the flat holding the bag of beers and pizza. He was relieved to have Callum home safe and sound. He knew that Callum was still shaken up but he was here, he was alive. Ben had been relucant to leave him he had noticed Callum's jumpiness when he had got out of the cab and in the flat. He didnt want to crowd him so he had gone into his room to sort out his stuff and give him time to get used to being back in the flat. When he had come out he could tell Callum was still jumpy and he he had spotted his hand shaking but Ben didnt want to upset him or put him on the spot. Callum had been through enough. 

No thanks to you a snide voice in Bens said. 

A pang of guilt shot through him as he thought about the events at christmas and how all of this could have been avoided. He shook his head. There was no use dwelling on it, he had to be strong for Callum now. He entered the flat and walked up the stairs. 

"Callum I'm back" he called walking into the living room. 

He stopped as he noticed Callum wasn't there. He put the bags down on the floor.

"Callum" he called out as a wave of fear washed over him reminding him of the time he had come into the flat to find keanu there and Callum gone. 

He went into the bedroom but he wasn't there. He checked Stuart and Rainie's rooms and the bathroom but they were empty. Dread was rising in Ben as the all too recent painful memory of the last time callum hadnt been here washed over him. He pulled out his phone and called Callum. No anwser. Ben was really starting to panic now. Then he had a brainwave and rushed down into the funeral parlour. He knew Stuart and Rainie would be out for lunch so one less distraction. He checked the office and all the rooms. Nothing. Ben leant against the wall as he tried to contain his fear. Maybe he was over reacting. He tried calling Callum again but nothing. Ben looked down on the screensaver of him and Callum on his phone as he tried to calm himself down. Where was Callum?


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben uncovers a clue from Callum's past which could help him find Callum.

Ben slowly made his way back to the flat his phone clenched tightly in his hand. He made his way to Callum's bedroom and sank down on the bed. His heart was banging madly against his chest and a wave of nausea was rising inside him. He was trying to convince himself that he was overreacting but his gut feeling was telling him something was wrong. Ben knew something wasn't right with Callum. He had been on edge the last 2 weeks and today he had seemed....strange. He cursed himself for leaving Callum alone in the flat. Ben flopped down on the bed staring up at the ceiling. 

Callum where are you he thought desperately. 

The thought of being without Callum again was unbearable. Tears stung in his eyes as he longed for Callum's touch. He got up and opened the door to Callum's wadrobe. He took the grey hoodie it was his favourite and put it to his face breathing in Callum's scent. It calmed him slightly. He noticed a box at the back of the wadrobe and curiously picked it up. Ben sat down on the bed and rifled through it. Letters...so many letters and...Ben picked up a hat....a army hat. Was it Callum's? Ben knew he shouldn't be snooping through Callum's stuff but...what if there was a clue to where Callum was? Ben opened up a letter and began to scan its contents..

Callum was drenched to the skin, his hair plastered to his forehead as the rain pounded down on him. He had been walking for ages and ages just wanting to escape, to get out of the flat and away from his thoughts. He didnt know how long it had been or where he was. His mind was numb, he was barley aware of his surroundings. Callum gasped as he lost his footing and tumbled down in the muddy water. He looked around confused as he took in his surorundings. How had he got here? A chill settled in his stomach when he realised where he was. Callum got up slowly and headed towards a gravestone. He took a deep breath and knelt down.

"Hey you" he said softly reaching out to touch the grave.

Ben sat numbly on the bed his mind buzzing. Chris. A friend from the army...well more than a friend. Why hadn't Callum ever told him? Ben looked down at the hat he held in his hands. He gazed at the letters strewn across the bed. They had clearly meant a lot to each other. Ben rubbed his head as he took it all in. A thought struck him as he realised something. The anniversary would have been on....Ben jumped up and raced out of the room. He knew where Callum was.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tracks Callum down but Callum has another flashback to the warehouse.

It's all a mess Chris. I'm a mess" Callum said in a choked voice as he knelt by Chris's grave. 

Callum shook his head. He had been here for what felt like hours as he had poured out all the worries and fears he had cooped up inside for weeks to Chris's grave. Callum knew it was silly, it wasn't really Chris and he couldn't hear him but maybe that's why it was so easy to say everything that was on his mind. Callum looked up to the sky feeling the rain on his face. It soothed him somehow.

Ben rushed towards the gates to the graveyard. He stopped and clutched at the stitch in his side. Sweat poured from his forehead as he panted for breath. After a few moments the stitch subsided. Ben slowly walked inside and began circulating the graveyard for Callum. Being here gave him chills for it reminded him of his Nan Peggy, his aunties Ronnie and Roxy and Paul. Ben swallowed down his feelings of unease and focused on finding Callum. It didnt take long. Ben spotted a familar figure crouched down by one of the graves, he was shaking all over. Ben's heart broke and he paused as trepidation flooded his stomach. He didnt know what to say or do for his boyfriend. But his instinct to go to him overode his hesitation and he slowly approached Callum. Callum's body shook with tears as his regret and sorrow over Chris and the trauma from the kidnap overwhelmed him. He yelled in fright when he felt a hand touch him from behind. The warehouse, Keanu, the phone call to Ben. "I'm so sorry Callum but everything's going to be alright i promise". Love and a need to reassure his boyfriend washed over Callum and he was about to tell Ben he didnt blame him when his heart jumped in terror. Keanu had grabbed him from behind and he felt his hand cover his mouth preventing him from speaking. Callum attempted to speak but keanu's hand was pressed firmly over his mouth. Tears were in Callum's eyes and terror rose inside him as Keanu taunted Ben over his fate. "No no no" Callum whimpered attempting to get away but his legs were numb after kneeling down for so long and the pain in his ribs was hard to ignore. "Hey hey Callum its ok its me its Ben". Ben held onto Callum's shoulder reassuringly. Callum stopped struggling and looked up at Ben. "Bb..Ben"? he said shakily as his boyfriend's face came into focus. Ben looked down at him worry etched all over his face. "Yes it's me your ok i promise" he said urgently. Callum let out a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry" he choked out. Ben knelt down beside him and gently pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back. "You dont need to be sorry. Everything's going to be ok i promise" he said soothingly running his hands through Callum's hair and holding him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Callum have a heart to heart.

"Sssh it's ok" Ben said stroking Callum head. 

His heart ached at the sound of Callum's sobs as he held him close feeling him shaking all over. Ben pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. He murmured gentle reassurances as he cradled Callum in his arms. After a while Callum's sobs subsided and his breathing returned to normal. Ben brushed Callum's wet hair out of his eyes and gently lifted his chin to look at him. Callum met his eyes reluctantly. 

"I've got you its going to be okay" Ben said softly. 

Callum nodded clearing his throat.

"Sorry for freaking out" he said looking at Ben. 

Ben shook his head smiling. 

"I'm just glad i found you. When i came back and you wernt there...for a moment i thought". 

He stopped looking away from Callum. Callum felt a pang of guilt.

"Ben i...i didnt mean too.."

Ben shook his head.

" It's ok I'm not having a go" he said softly putting his hand on Callum's cheek. 

He paused and then asked " Why didn't you tell me about Chris?"

Callum stared in shock.

"Wwhat how did you" he whispered. 

"I uh...i found the letters" Ben anwsered.

Callum was speechless. "Yy you found them? You..you read them?" 

Ben stared at his feet feeling ashamed.

"I ..uh he said sheepishly. I was looking for clues to find you and i saw the box and..."

He broke off running a hand through his hair. He looked at Callum. 

"That was wrong of me I'm sorry". 

Callum looked at Ben feeling a mixture of shock and annoyance. 

"Those letters were private" he protested.

Ben nodded.

"I know im sorry Callum. I was just so worried and i didnt know what to do. Im not excusing it..its just..im so scared of losing you again". 

He broke off looking away from Callum upset and ashamed.

Callum looked at his boyfriend his annoyance melting away at Ben's heart felt explanation. He walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Ben turned around. 

"It's ok Callum said smiling at him. 

Ben returned his smile and asked "Really?"

Callum nodded "Yeah he said. I get why you did. And...the reason i never told you....i dont know...i guess i just didnt want to go back there. Im sorry". 

Ben touched Callum's face affectionately. 

"Hey he said softly its alright. You dont need to be sorry. I'm not mad. Im just...suprised that's all. I never knew you had someone else". 

Callum laughed at the hint of jealousy in Ben's voice. 

"Not jealous are we" he teased. 

Ben's cheeks went pink slightly.

"What? No of course not" he protested but his eyes twinkled as he looked at his boyfriend. 

He pulled Callum close to him. 

"Just let me know where your going please" he said gently. Callum nodded and smiled. 

"I will" he promised hugging Ben.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week after the previous events. Lots of cute Ballum scenes. Things seem back to normal and Callum has made good progress. However it only takes one small thing to trigger those memories and set callum back.

Ben lay on Callum's chest on the sofa in the Mitchell house as they watched Hannah Montanna. 

" I still don't get why she don't just tell them she's a popstar" Callum mused staring at the tv.

Ben chucked "I've told you before babe, it's the whole premise of the movie". 

He stroked Callum's arm affectionately. 

"Yeah but like i still dont get it. It's not a crime to be a popstar" Callum said mockingly.

Ben smiled amused at his boyfriends dorkiness. It had been a rough few weeks but over the last week or so Callum had seemed back to his normal self. They were back to normal. Well as normal as they could ever be with Ben being a Mitchell and Callum being related to Stuart Highway or Uncle Fester as Ben liked to call him. He sat up and leaned in to kiss Callum. Callum responded enthusiastically and they soon went up to the bedroom. 

" Someone's ribs are feeling better" Ben noted as they lay in the bed. 

"Yeah i suppose they are" Callum replied smirking.

He ruffled Ben's hair.

" I'm well hungry. Can we get chips?"

Ben laughed.

"Someone's appetite is back and all ay? Right well we better get some clothes on then". 

He got out of the bed and chucked Callum's clothes at him. 

"Cant have you in a panic over where your jeans are again can we? Who knows who might come in".

Ben smirked referring to the time sharon and Denny had walked in on them in the living room. Callum's face and neck turned a bright shade of pink.

"Shut up" he hissed but his eyes twinkled. 

They walked through the square holding hands. Callum felt better than he had in weeks. Since the graveyard and the talk with Ben it was as if a weight had been lifted. Ben had been so gentle and patient with him and things were getting back on track.

"Right 2 big bags of chips, no vinegar and a coke right" Ben said interrupting Callum's thoughts.

"Yeah sounds right" Callum said smiling. 

Ben nodded "Okay wont be a sec" he said smiling and he went inside the chippy. 

Callum watched him interact with his older brother Ian who looked like he was off on one of his tangets and shoving a political poster at Ben. Callum chucked quietly in amusement. 

"Callum?"

He turned around and saw Karen Taylor. He felt his stomach twist. 

"Karen" he said suprised. 

Karen looked at him with a strange expression on her face. 

"How are you?"

Callum hesitated "Yeah im im good thanks". 

Karen shifted "I meant to see how you were doing before, i just...well you know". 

She looked at him guilt etched on her face. Callum looked at her awkwardly. 

"Its fine, im okay" he reassured her smiling. 

Karen looked relieved "Good good. Well i best get back". 

She smiled and then walked away. Callum watched her go feeling a heavy sensation in his chest. Ben appeared in front of him ranting about Ian and obvious to what had happened. 

Callum felt a mix of emotions as he stared after Karen. Guilt, shame, anger and fear. Seeing Karen had bought back the emotions he had fought so hard to get rid of. He couldn't hate Karen, she was Keanu's Mum but it wasnt her fault and he coudnt help feeling bad that she had lost her son.

"Honestly i dont know how we are related" Ben seethed. The guys a nutcase banging on about politics and some sausage guy who's going in for it. I mean what's that about?" 

Callum slowly came out of his reveivre and caught the last few sentences Ben spouted. 

"Yeah he said braving a smile crazy". 

Ben shook his head.

"Anyway lets get back ay. Can't have you going hungry" he said tweaking Callum's chin gently. 

Callum smiled weakly and followed suit.

"I thought you were famished" Ben said. You've hardly touched your plate". 

Callum looked at his food feeling queasy. 

"Yeah i dunno just feel a bit sick" he said. 

Ben nodded "i suppose Ian does go a bit crazy with the oil. Save it for later ay?"

Callum nodded smiling. Ben stood up.

"Boy's room" he said walking off. 

Callum looked at his plate feeling sick. It's fine he thought seeing Karen was always going to be weird. I'll be fine.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum cant sleep. An emotional between the highway brothers. Stuart feels responsible for not protecting Callum.

Callum tossed and turned in bed feeling restless. He checked his alarm clock for the time. 2Am. He lay back sighing. He had been unable to get to sleep. Its probably just because Ben ain't here he told himself. Ben had spent most nights with him since he got out of the hospital but he was with Lexi tonight. Callum got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He took a few sips thinking about his earlier meeting with Karen. He didnt notice Stuart come in and jumped dropping his glass when he felt a hand touch his shoulder and his name being called. 

"Callum?"

The glass smashed into pieces on the ground. Callum stood frozen to the spot.

"Callum!" Hey its alright!" 

Stuart held his hands up stepping back. 

" I didnt mean to scare you mate I'm sorry".

Callum stared blankly his heart racing. Stuart cleared up the glass and then took Callum gently by the shoulders steering him into a chair. 

"Its alright mate just a bit of glass. No harm done hey?"

Stuart looked at him anxiously.

"Callum? Talk to me mate please?"

Callum looked at Stuart. 

"Im, im sorry".

Stuart shook his head. 

"Its fine, im the one that's sorry. I shouldn't have sneaked up on you like that. It was stupid". 

Callum looked down at his hands and noticed they were shaking. He spotted Stuart looking and quickly hid them in his lap.

"Callum" Stuart said hesitantly. Is everything alright mate?"

Callum looked at him blankly and shook his head questioningly. 

"Its just you know since the warehouse...well you aint really been yourself. And and thats fine you know, i get it. You went through a lot..im just....im worried about you mate". 

Emotion rose in Callum's chest and he felt tears pricking his eyes but he blinked them away. 

"Stu..im...im alright" Callum said but it sounded more like a plea than reassurance. 

Stuart didnt look convinced. He reached out and took Callum's hand which was still trembling. 

"You know you can talk to me about anything dont you?" 

Callum nodded looking down at his knees. 

"Because I'm your brother Callum and im always going to be here for you". 

Callum nodded "I know" he whispered.

Stuart looked at his little brother with a pained expression.

"I'll never let anything like this happen again. I know i let you down and im sorry". 

Callum looked up at Stuart confused and shocked. 

"Stu he said questioningly what are you?"

Stuart shook his head. 

"It's my fault, i didn't protect you from that Taylor boy and i let you get hurt!"

Callum looked disbelieving.

"Stu he said its not your fault. Any of it! What happened was on Keanu". 

Stuart looked away. Callum gripped his hand tightly. 

"Stu look at me". 

Stuart turned and looked at him reluctantly.

Callum gripped his hand saying " It wasn't your fault. I dont blame you. For any of it". 

Stuart nodded tears in his eyes.

"Okay" he said quietly squeezing his brothers hand. 

Callum smiled encouragingly. Stuart pulled him into a hug and after a few seconds of hesitation Callum allowed himself to be held. 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after Callum and Stuart's emotional conversation.

Stuart stood in the kitchen stirring his cup of coffee deep in thought. He had barley slept unable to stop worrying about his little brother. Laat night Callum had been so vulnerable and fragile and although he has insisted he didnt blame Stuart, he couldn't help feeling responsible for Callum's well being. Callum came into the kitchen. 

"Morning" he said smiling. 

Stuart looked up and painted on a cheery smile. 

"Morning mate, sleep alright?"

"Yeah" Callum replied i did actually". 

He poured himself a glass of water. 

"You hungry? I can make you the highway special fry up if you like" Stuart said. 

Callum shook his head saying "Not today thanks". 

Stuart nodded.

"How about some toast then"? he asked in the same falsely cheery voice. 

"No im alright thanks Stu" Callum mumbled. 

Stuart nodded still smiling saying "Coffee then? I just made myself a cup". 

Callum smiled faintly, "Go on then". 

Stuart grinned in relief that Callum had accepted a beverage and buised himself with making the coffee. Callum sat down at the table watching his brother nervously. He had gotten himself into a state last night without meaning to in front of Stuart. He had never liked appearing vulnerable or weak in front of him. When they were kids Callum had always been in awe of his older brother, he was bigger, more muscles, all the neighbour hood kids were afraid of him and he had a way of turning everything into a joke. He had managed to trick Callum so many times as a kid over 'magic' tricks and card games. He had always protected Callum from their Dad which he had always found really brave and appreciated. Even though a lot had happened since then and they were on more equal, better terms now a small part of Callum always felt like that little kid around Stuart. He knew Stuart respected him and would do anything to protect him but he hated the idea of seeming weak. He had been in the army, seen loads of things and he didnt want some stupid kidnap to defeat him. Callum hoped Stuart wouldn't say anything about last night and they could just move on. Yesterday was a blip, it wasn't going to happen again. He was fine now.

Stuart placed the coffees on the table and sat down next to Callum. Callum felt butterflies in his stomach and inwardly cursed himself.

"Thanks" he said smiling at Stuart. 

"No problem" said Stuart still putting on a maddeningly cheery display.

It was driving Callum mad, it was the same false cheeriness he used to put on when Callum was a kid and Stuart didnt want him to know something. He took a sip of coffee. 

"It's good" he said. 

Stuart nodded "Glad you like it mate" he replied watching Callum. 

An awkward silence ensued. Callum began drinking his coffee as quickly and as subtlety as possible so he could make a quick getaway. Stuart wasn't fooled.

"In a bit of a hurry are we"? He asked eyebrows raised. 

Callum's eyes widened.

"What? No of course not" he stuttered. 

He faltered under Stuart's stern gaze. Callum swallowed anxiously and looked down at his cup. 

"I just.." he broke of nervously. 

"Just what"? Stuart prompted gently. 

Callum looked up at his brother who was watching him patiently. 

"Last night..i.." he paused and then spoke again. "Freaking out...i...just feel a bit stupid".

He looked at Stuart and then looked away again. 

"Callum" Stuart said gently.

Callum looked at him reluctantly. 

"Your not stupid, it was my fault for scaring you like that".

Callum shook his head and started to protest but stopped when Stuart put his hand up. 

"Wait let me say this. I was an idiot and we know your the smart one. Well when your not being a drip" he added jokingly. 

Callum laughed and Stuart smiled at him.

"Listen he said you dont need to feel embarrassed. He took Callum's hand. Not around me". 

Callum nodded smiling weakly.

"Okay? Stuart said kindly but firmly. 

"Okay" Callum answered smiling gratefully. 

Stuart nodded satisfied with his brothers answer. 

"Has this um..has this happend with Ben"? Stuart asked casually.

Callum felt an uneasy sensation. "No" he answered slowly. He looked up at Stuart and asked "Why?"

Stuart shook his head smiling.

"No reason" he said evenly. 

"Stu" Callum said. What happened last night was a one-off. Ben he, he doesn't need to know".

Stuart looked at him for a moment.

"I thought you two were solid"?

Callum's eyes widened in protest.

"We are he insisted. I just...dont want to worry him over nothing that's all". 

Callum looked at his brother beesechingly. 

"Please Stu dont tell him".

Stuart put a hand reassuringly on Callum's shoulder. 

"It's alright Callum" he said softly. I wont tell him if you dont want me too. Okay"? 

Callum returned his smile saying "Thanks Stu". 

Stuart changed the subject wanting to cheer his brother up and started tellling him about a funny incident with a customer at the funeral parlour the other day. It seemed to do the trick as Callum relaxed and laughed. Stuart resolved to keep Callum happy not wanting to cause any stress or upset for him. He had been through enough.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute family scene with Ben, Callum and Lexi. More insight into Callum's struggles in private.

"Daddy watch me!"

Lexi was twirling around the beale living room in her pink ballet costume. 

" I'm a ballerina" Lexi said her face shining with excitment.

"You certainly are my princess" Ben said watching her proudly. 

Callum smiled as Lexi began dancing enthusiastically, music playing in the background. 

"She's really good" Callum said. 

"Yeah i know" Ben replied barley tearing his gaze away from his daughter. 

Callum turned his attention back to Lexi. This atmosphere, the family feeling, Lexi and Ben together, it was just perfect. It was one of those rare moments where Callum felt at peace and calm. Callum had been battling with freak outs and anxiety since the kidnap. Ben and Stuart had picked up on some of it but they didnt know the extent of it. Privately Callum had been having nightmares, flashbacks that occured at different points and the bathroom had become his safe haven. He spent ages in there trying to calm himself down. It was something about the bathroom, whether it was the lock for privacy, the coolness of the walls or the shower, it helped to calm him whenever he felt his body and mind losing control. Callum had also had a problem with his appetite since the warehouse although he was quite good at concealing it and Ben and Stuart had accepted that it was the after effects of sepsis. Secretly Callum wasn't sure if that was the reason but it threw Ben and Stuart of the scent. He had freaked out the other night in front of Stuart but he was sure he had managed to quash Stuart's concern and persuade him not to say anything to Ben. Callum knew Ben would support him but he didnt want to worry him over nothing. Ben would just blame himself and Callum didnt want that. He just needed time to get himself together, he wasn't stupid he knew the kidnap had shaken him a fair bit and he had seen guys in the army freak out sometimes but he just needed some time to adjust. That was all. 

"Daddy Callum look at my wand! I'm a fairy and a ballerina too!" 

Lexi broke through Callum's thoughts waving a sparkly pink star wand at him. A big smile broke out on Callum's face, he loved it when Lexi called him that. 

"That is amazing sweetheart" Callum exclaimed cupping her face. 

Lexi hugged him and then returned to dancing. Callum touched Ben's shoulder.

"I can see her in her class being a little princess. Can you"? He asked. 

Ben chuckled touching Callum's hand. 

"Of course shes a Mitchell pierce" he said fondly. 

He looked at Callum. 

"Dinner tonight? Just us two? I'll cook". 

Callum smiled affectionately. 

"Yeah okay" he replied. 

Privately he didnt think much of Ben's cooking but he didnt want to hurt his feelings and he appreciated the gesture. They smiled at each other and then turned their attention back to Lexi who was stood pouting because they wasnt watching her.

"Go on Princess" Ben called out. 

Lexi grinned and went back to dancing her routine for her two Daddies.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romantic dinner for Ballum. An accident with champagne triggers a flashback for Callum. Ben has noticed Callum isn't eating much but the mention of seeing a doctor becomes too much for Callum.

Callum sat at the table which had been laid out with candles and flowers. Ben approached the table holding the plates of food.

" Here we go" he said laying them down.

Callum felt a warm glow at the effort Ben had made. 

"Thanks" he said smiling.

"Bon appetite" Ben said sitting down.

Callum picked up his fork and ate a little bit to appease Ben. 

"It's really good" he lied. 

Ben smiled and then his face turned serious.

"Hang on I forgot something" he urged and rushed to the fridge.

Callum watched him amused as he bought a bottle of champagne and some glasses to the table. 

"Champagne wow you really have gone all out" Callum joked. 

Ben pulled a face.

"Funny" he grumbled but his eyes twinkled.

Callum watched amused as Ben struggled to open the bottle. 

"Need a hand?" he teased. 

"No" Ben lied still attempting to open it. Lids just a bit tight that's all". 

Callum bit his lip trying not too laugh. 

"I was a barman once you know" he reminded Ben. 

Ben raised his eyebrow at Callum and continued to fight with the bottle.

"Aha" he said triumphantly feeling the lid loosen. 

There was a loud popping sound as the lid burst off and the champagne started spraying everywhere. 

"Oh shit" Ben moaned. 

He attempted to rectify the mess oblivious to Callum's reaction.

BANG. The lid of the champagne flew off and liquid sprayed everywhere. Callum jumped in shock and his ears began ringing. His hand which was resting on the table gripped the edge and his legs stiffened as a memory of the warehouse hit him. Callum lay sleeping in the warehouse, he had shifted for ages trying to find a comfortable position on the floor. It was a difficult task as his hands were tied with rope and chained and his ankles tied together. After what seemed like ages he had finally drifted off. BANG, Callum awoke with a fright, his heart pounding against his chest. He looked up wildly and saw Keanu stood in front of him. He had slammed a bag down on the table. Without saying anything he bent down and roughly lifted Callum into a sitting position. He took a bottle of water and a cereal bar from the bag and laid them in front of Callum. Callum didnt say anything not wanting to risk keanu's wrath. He was unpredictable most days. Keanu opened the bottle of water and held it to Callum's lips. Callum drunk slowly savouring the tatse of water. 

"Been trying to get hold of your boyfriend Keanu growled. He aint answering his calls". 

He glared at Callum as though it was his fault. Callum swallowed down his fear and spoke calmly.

"He's probaly with Lexi, taking her to school. He'll get back to you i know he will".

Keanu tipped the bottle a little too roughly into Callum's mouth and he choked as the water spilt coughing. 

"He'd better" Keanu warned looking at Callum coldly. 

He opened the cereal bar placing it in Callum's hands and then walked away. Callum leant his head against the wall as his throat cleared trying to ground himself. 

Callum's knuckled turned white as he gripped the table. He stared at Ben intently and focused on his breathing as he attempted to ground himself.

'Touch, see, smell' he thought to himself. 

He focused on the smell of the pasta, the sight of Ben and the feeling of the table as he felt his heartbeat start to slow and the room came back into focus. 

"Damn Ben exclaimed as he cleared up the mess. Sorry babe". 

Callum cleared his throat as he felt his body calming. 

"It's fine no harm done" he reassured Ben. 

His voice sounded hoarse. Ben was still distracted but looked at him for a moment. 

"You okay? You sound weird?"

Callum forced a laugh.

"Yeah i just, i think im getting a sore throat".

Ben nodded and poured them a fresh glass. 

"Right where were we? Cheers" he said raising a glass at Callum who picked up his glass quickly and toasted each other. Callum felt the champagne burning in his throat as he smiled at Ben.

Callum stirred the food on his plate with his fork barley eating. 

"My cooking aint that bad is it?"

Ben's voice interrupted Callum's thoughts. 

"Hmm? Oh what? No of course not" Callum insisted. 

Ben looked at him eyebrows raised. 

"You've hardly eaten anything He said staring at Callum. 

Callum looked flustered. 

"I have, i just"...

"What is it" Ben asked concerned. 

Callum played with his food avoiding his boyfriend's gaze. 

"I just dont feel hungry these days" he said quietly.

Ben nodded.

"Maybe you should go doctors" he said.

Callum looked up suprised.

"Doctors? Why?" He asked.

Ben rolled his eyes in a affectionate way.

"Its been a month since you came out of hopsital babe. I dont think you should still be feeling that ill". 

Callum felt panic rising inside him. He couldn't go to the doctors, they would ask questions, maybe examine him. He wasn't sure he would be able to fool the doctors. He shook his head and looked at Ben as though he was over reacting. 

" Oh come on, i dont think seeing a doctor is necessary. They told me at the hospital i would feel like this for ages. A month it isnt that long really when you think about it" he implored. 

"Callum" said Ben. 

Callum ignored him. 

"Besides i had a big lunch today with Stu and i pigged out on chocolate before dinner" he lied.

Ben shook his head.

"That's great Callum but i still think"...

Callum felt frustration bubbling inside him. He needed to stop Ben probing and insisting on seeing a doctor. " 

"The doctor she told me i was really lucky. Dehydration, hypothermia, sepsis, not to mention my other injuries". 

Ben felt his stomach drop at the reminder of Callum's trauma. 

"Callum" he said weakly but Callum carried on determined.

"Sepsis it aint a joke you know. She said i was lucky i was bought in when i was otherwise I'd be dead".

Ben felt his heart break at Callum's harsh words.

"So i dont think i need to go doctors, a loss of appetite and side effects, it's just going to take some time that's all. Im here, that's what matters. I'm alive". 

Callum emphasised the word alive forcefully. Ben nodded stunned into silence. He cleared his throat holding back tears.

"Yeah your right he said quietly. No doctors. I'm sorry". 

Callum nodded trying to ignore the awful guilt he felt at hurting Ben. It was necessary he told himself. I dont need a doctor. I'm going to be fine.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: self harm and ptsd trauma  
> Aftermath of Callum lashing out about seeing a doctor.

Ben stood by the sink washing the dishes. They had finished the rest of their dinner in silence, well Callum had just twirled the food around barely touching it. Ben hadn't dared to say anything else in case of another outburst. Callum's words had felt like a stab to his heart. 

"I'd be dead".  
"ALIVE". 

Ben squeezed the washing up sponge in his hand as angry tears swam in his eyes. It had really hurt for Paul had died due to his actions. Ben watched the water running on the plate and the red swirls from the pasta sauce. It reminded him of Callum's bloody wrists and face when they rescued him from the warehouse. Paul's blood, Callum's blood . Both had been due to his actions. Ben carried on washing the dishes vigorously. He had always feared that Callum would blame him and up until now he had done a good job of pretending he didn't. But it had all come out tonight and Ben couldn't blame him because...well it was his fault. Ben shook his head cursing himself for being so careless and stupid. Callum had been lucky to survive the ordeal and he was right, sepsis was no joke. He shouldn't have pushed him so much about eating and seeing a doctor. Ben looked at the bathroom door where Callum was having a shower wondering how he was going to fix this mess he had created. 

Callum leant against the shower wall tiles. The coolness felt soothing on his head. He placed his hands underneath the shower head and splashed the water on his face. He was desperate to rid his brain of the earlier flashback, he always felt emotionally and physically exhausted after the flashbacks. Callum felt a pang of guilt as he remembered the look on Ben's face when he had lashed out. He looked up at the shower head feeling the water pounding down on his face and body. It helped to block out the pain. It was necessary he told himself. It was the only way to stop Ben going on about seeing a doctor. The rest of the meal had gone by in a agonising silence, once Ben had finished his food Callum had practically jumped up saying he needed a shower. He just wanted no needed to get away...before his mind and body gave himself away. He scrubbed himself with shower gel and paused when he caught sight of his wrists. The red scarring, those awful chains, Callum took a deep breath closing his eyes as he tried to block out the memories. He began scrubbing shower gel on his wrists desperate to remove the red scars. The harder he scrubbed the more painful it became but he couldn't stop himself. They were now burning and red raw. Tears streamed down Callum's face as he slid down the wall and onto the floor of the shower. He sobbed as the water splashed down and red swirls appeared in the water...


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Callum hurting himself.
> 
> Notes: Dr Patel thinks Callum might be suffering from post sepsis syndrome and suspects thats why his wrists are like that due to him struggling with the scarring. There are similarities but Callum is experiencing post traumatic stress disorder.

Callum leant against the wall shivering underneath the water. He looked down at his bleeding wrists and horror flooded through him as the reality of what he had done hit him. 

God how i could be so stupid he thought. He had used Ben's fears and insecurities against him to stop him getting a doctor involved and now...

Callum looked at the red swirls in the water in despair. He had no choice but to see a doctor now. The kind nurses at the hospital had given him a leaflet on sepsis aftercare and spoken to him about the importance of taking care of the scarring. They were still relatively fresh and just about healed and now....Callum took a deep breath as he tried to figure out what to do next. How was he going to explain this? He wondered whether he could somehow avoid Ben seeing them and go to the hospital himself. After that he could spin a lie to Stuart and Ben about a check up and having a dressing changed or something. He had it all worked out, the only obstacle left was getting Ben out of the way. It would be difficult as Callum knew he may have quashed Ben's insistence on seeing a doctor but after their tense row Ben wouldn't want to leave his side so easily. Callum turned of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. He opened the bathroom cupboard looking for the first aid box. He rummaged through it and found a gauze to help stop the bleeding. He managed to wrap a bandage around his wrists and then quickly shoved the box back in the cupboard. He grabbed some toilet paper and mopped up any bloody marks and then flushed it down the toilet. His heart was racing and his stomach was churning but he coudnt stop now. He dried himself off and then threw on his dressing gown. He looked around the bathroom making sure he hadn't left any evidence behind and then taking a deep breath he unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. 

Ben spun around when he heard the bathroom door click. Callum came out wrapped in his dressing gown, his hair wet and sticking to his forehead. Despite the uneasiness Ben felt a small rush of affection seeing Callum like that.

"Hey" he said softly managing a smile. 

Callum looked at him awkwardly but returned the smile.

"Hey" he replied. Umm I'm just gonna get some clothes on". 

He turned to leave to the bedroom. 

"Wait" Ben said stepping forward. 

Callum stopped and reluctantly turned towards him. 

"Yeah?" He asked pulling his gown tighter. 

Ben shuffled on his feet looking nervous. 

"I..um...i just wanted to say....sorry. You know about the doctors....i didnt mean". 

He broke off awkwardly looking at Callum. In that moment he looked like a small boy. Callum fought the urge to hug him.

"It's fine...i know your just looking out for me but honestly im fine" Callum said reassuringly.

Ben nodded looking unsure. 

"Listen umm....im not feeling that great to be honest...i think i might just go to bed". 

Callum tried to ignore the guilt he felt at lying to his boyfriend. Ben looked suprised.

"Oh right okay..um i...i can stay with you if you want? A little massage might help you feel better?"

Ben joked hastily looking awkward but attempting humour. Callum shuffled on his feet awkwardly.

"Umm not tonight thanks. Think it might be a bug dont want to pass it on. Lexi might get it" he lied feeling awful.

Ben's face looked hurt for a brief moment and then he smiled. 

"Yeah sure ok..if that's what you want". 

They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. 

"Right ok well il get going. I'll um...I'll call you later yeah?"

Callum nodded saying 

"Yeah sure. Thanks again for dinner". 

Ben smiled looking strained. He gave him a quick kiss and then turned to leave. He looked back at Callum for a moment and then left. Callum waited until he heard the door close and then let out a long breath. He looked at his bandaged wrists, there was red patches already. He rushed into his bedroom and threw on a top and jeans and laced up his trainers as quickly as he could. He pulled his jacket on with difficulty and then quickly left the flat while ordering a cab.

Callum sat in the waiting room feeling tense amongst the loud noises and bright lights. He tried to focus on his breathing but it was hard with people all around him. Now that the adrenaline of covering his tracks and rushing around had gone the pain from his wrists was slowly creeping in. He had a nauseous feeling in his stomach and he could feel himself sweating despite having showered. His phone pinged in his pocket, it was a message from Ben asking if he was okay. Callum typed out a message reassuring him and then put his phone away. He didnt have to worry about Stuart and Rainie, they were hitting the town so that him and Ben could enjoy their dinner tonight and said they wouldn't be back till late. Callum thought about them in a casino dressed up in fancy costume and smiled in amusement. Stuart had always enjoyed dressing up. When Callum was little Stuart had a dress up box with props to entertain him. He used to renact scenes from films and create his own skits. Callum had found it hilarious. He smiled fondly as he remembered Stuart's Captain Hook Costume. A voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Callum Highway?" 

Callum looked up and saw a female doctor stood waiting for him by the doors. He got up and walkes over to her.

"This way please" she said leading him down a corridor and into a office. 

Callum followed her in and stood awkwardly. 

"Sit" she said gesturing to a chair by her desk. 

He sat down nervously feeling more sick than ever. The doctor sat down and brought up some files on her computer. 

"Okay Callum my name is Dr Patel and 'll be treating you today" she said smiling.

He returned her smile.

"Ok" he said nervously. 

"I see from your records you was hospitalised a few weeks ago with sepsis, hypothermia, dehydration and various injuries" she said. 

Callum nodded. 

"Okay Callum I'm just going to take a look at your wrists" she said gently. 

Callum held out his wrists feeling apprehensive. Dr Patel calmly unwrapped the bandagaes and examined them closely. 

"Ok Callum I'm going to clean them out for you to avoid any infection okay?"

Her voice and facial expression was friendly but Callum was sure she was judging him deep down. He nodded in response. He focused on the dark sky outside her window as she cleaned his wrists trying not show any pain. After what seemed like ages she wrapped them up. 

"There we go" she smiled. I'm going to take your temperature and blood pressure now to rule out any severe infection". 

Callum sat still focusing on the outside view as she took his temperature and blood pressure. After a few moments she sat back down.

"Ok Callum your very lucky, it doesnt look like any further damage has been done. Your wrists are going to be quite sore for a week or two so im going to prescribe you some antibiotics. This will help flush out any infection and help with the pain. You will need to keep the dressing clean and change it. And i will make an appointment with your gp to go see him after 2 weeks to check on the wounds okay?"

Callum nodded unable to speak. Dr patel looked at him closely.

"Callum? She asked. How did this happen? The scars on your wrists they were healing nicely. How did they end up like this?"

Callum's heart drummed against his ribs and he felt panicked. He looked down at the floor trying to calm himself. 

"Callum"? 

He looked up shaking his head.

"It was an accident that's all. I'll take better care now honest" he said hurriedly.

Dr Patel nodded. 

"Yes it's important to take care of them. I know the after effects of sepsis can be..daunting. The scarring it looks worse than it is but its possible they will fade in time. The important thing is you are here" she said kindly. If you want more advice or help with sepsis recovery i can always recommend specialist help. A lot of people have experienced trouble with recovery from sepsis. Its okay if you are struggling".

Callum shook his head.

"No im ok honestly. Il take care i promise" he said haistley.

Dr Patel nodded .

"Okay il arrange your follow up with the Gp and get your prescription ready". 

Callum felt relief wash through him that she wasn't going to pressure him any further. He watched as Dr Patel Printed of something from the computer and wrote on it. She took a leaflet from her desk and arranged some dressings in a bag. She turned to him smiling.

"Okay Callum your change of dressings are in here and your prescription. Just take it to the pharmacy down the corridor okay?"

Callum took it smiling. 

"Okay thanks Doctor" he anwsered.

"Callum" Dr Patel said. 

He turned back "Yeah?"

"There's a leaflet there if you change your mind and want to speak to someone about sepsis aftercare okay?"

Callum felt his stomach drop but he forced a smile. 

"Okay i will thanks". 

He closed the door behind him and headed towards the hospital pharmacy. He knew he was lucky but he didnt need any specialist help. He was just glad she had been able to patch him up and didnt force any more physiological help on him.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after

Callum opened his eyes and blinked as the ceiling slowly came into focus. As he looked around it took him a few seconds to realise he was in his bedroom. He groaned as the stiffness and soreness of his wrists hit him. Slowly he pushed himself up into a sitting position and leant his back against the pillows. He took a few moments to focus on his breathing. Callum picked up his phone, there was several messages from Ben.

'Hope u feel better babe x'.

'I'm sorry again sleep well x' 

'Morning babe' 

'Hope u feel better. Text me when u awake' x' 

'I love you x' 

Callum felt a wave of guilt at the worry and love from his boyfriend. He felt sick when he remebered the way he had spoken to him and rushed him out of the flat. Callum buried his head in his hands wishing he could take it back. He looked at the dressing on his wrists and the memory of what he had done last night in the shower whirled around in his head. Sighing Callum got up and opened his wardrobe looking for a long sleeved baggy top that would conceal his wrists. It took him longer than normal to get dressed, his wrists felt so stiff and sore. He didnt know if Stuart and Rainie were in the kitchen but he coudnt risk them seeing his wrists. Not until later anyway, he had it all planned out. He would disappear for a bit and then make out he had a doctor's appointment to check the sepsis scars and required a dressing. Ben and Stuart wernt medial experts so they would buy the story easily. Callum just had to be careful they didnt spot the dressing hence the baggy sleeves. 

He entered the kitchen which was empty. Callum sighed in relief and poured himself a glass of water. He leant against the counter and typed a quick morning message to Ben so he wouldnt worry. He bought the glass of water into his bedroom and took his antibiotics. He picked up his bag and shoved the prescription bag inside along with the box of dressings, he couldn't risk them being found yet. Callum picked up the leaflet Dr Patel had given him. It read 'Recovering from sepsis', he turned the pages and flicked through. It spoke about post sepsis syndrome, struggling wirh scarring, people's stories and details on support groups and specialist help. Callum snorted at the idea. He crumpled it up and threw it in the bin. He put his jacket and backpack on with difficulty and then left the flat. Once he was outside the wave of fresh air hit Callum. He took a moment to steady himself and then quickly walked off. He wasnt sure where he was going, he just needed to get out of the square and out of Walford for a bit. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket but he ignored it. 

Ben growled in frustration as Callum's phone went to voicemail again. He didnt understand why Callum didnt pick up. He had texted him a while ago so he was clearly awake. Ben thought back to last night, it had all gone so wrong. It was supposed to be a romantic night with dessert after and the rest. He has actually cooked and it was Callum's favourite meal. He knew Callum hadn't been eating much so Ben had hoped his favourite dinner might help. He had even done candles and flowers. And champagne Ben thought sulking. Admittedly it had gone everywhere but still. He wished he hadn't bought up the doctors. Callum had reacted badly and the line about being alive. Well that had hurt but it had also confirmed Ben's fear. That Callum did blame him for the kidnap. He just needed to see him, speak to him. But he wouldnt anwser his god damn phone. Ben grabbed his keys and headed out. If Callum wasn't going to anwser his phone then Ben would have to go to his flat. 

Stuart and Rainie sat at the kitchen table hungover and still dressed in their fancy dress costumes.

"Babe my head is banging" Rainie moaned holding her head in her hands.

Stuart chuckled looking worse for wear. 

"Yeah i know, i think i should have stopped after the 3rd round of shots". 

Rainie made a vomiting gesture at the reminder of shots. Stuart smiled affectionately as he poured out coffee. BUZZZ. 

"Arghhhh" Rainie moaned clutching her head. Make it go away Stuart!"

Stuart got up from the table 

"Ok Ok" and he picked up the intercom. 

"Hello"? Oh ok come up". 

He pressed the buzzer and put the phone down.

"Its Ben" he said looking puzzled. I thought he would have stayed over last night". 

Rainie tutted.

"Too right, we went out to give them a romantic night". 

Stuart shushed her as Ben appeared. 

"Alright mate" Stuart said. 

Ben nodded , "Yeah I'm here to see Callum". 

Stuart pointed to the bedroom.

"He ain't come out yet, you might as well wake him up" he yawned.

Ben cocked his head slightly confused. Callum normally got up when he sent morning texts, it was Ben who did the lie ins. He knocked gently on the door and went in. Callum wasn't there, his bed had clearly been slept in but was unmade. That was unusual for Callum was such a tidy person. There was a empty glass on the beside table and his closet was still open and his clothes were all jumbled up. This confused Ben more because Callum hated having a messy wadrobe. He shook his head bewildered and went back into the living room.

"He's not there"? He enquired looking at Stuart questioningly. 

Stuart looked baffled .

"Oh, he must have gotten up early then. Didnt hear him go out" Stuart replied.

"Yeah" Rainie said we were pretty hammered to be fair".

Ben rolled his eyes, he didnt have time for their nonsense.

"Right okay well if you see him later tell him to call me" Ben demanded. 

"Wait hang on" Stuart called. 

Ben stopped and looked impatiently. 

"Why didn't you stay here last night? I thought you two were having a romantic night?"

Ben paused uncertain he wanted to share details of last night. 

"Uh yeah Lexi was sick so daddy duties" he lied scratching his head. 

Rainie nodded uninterested. 

"Oh right okay well hope she's better now" Stuart said. And il tell Callum you came round when i see him". 

Ben nodded thanks and left the flat. 

Callum sat on the train watching everything whiz by. He had chosen a quiet, fairly empty carriage which he was grateful for. The pain in his wrists had dulled now although he did feel slightly sick. Callum supposed he should eat something, he knew it wasnt wise to have antibiotics on an emoty stomach and he would be due another pill soon. He got off at the next stop and walked until he saw a cafe. He ordered sandwich and a coffee. Callum decided he would stay here and kill time until returning home. He pulled out his phone and saw several missed calls and messages from Ben. White hot guilt shot through him, he knew Ben would be working himself into a state after last night. But he couldn't talk to him, not yet. It would blow his cover and destroy everything. I'm sorry Ben he thought as he put his phone away. 

Stuart and Rainie had spent most of the morning well afternoon lazing around before ordering a takeaway. Stuart glanced at the time, it was 4 o clock. His mind wandered to Callum and he began to feel uneasy. He hadn't given it much thought before, mainly due to being hungover but Callum had been gone for ages. Should he be worried? Stuart privately wondered whether Ben had a similar experience with Callum in regards to his jumpiness and agitation. Should he have told Ben about the other night? He felt torn for Callum was his little brother and he had promised he wouldn't say anything, but on the other hand him disappearing wasn't like Callum and Ben had seemed quite on edge now Stuart thought about it. At that moment he heard the door and footsteps. Callum appeared in the doorway. Stuart felt massive relief. 

"There you are" he exclaimed. I was gonna send out a search party!"

Callum laughed. "Oh sorry" he said didn't mean to scare ya".

Stuart shook his head.

"Where have you been"? hee asked.

"Oh yeah sorry forgot to mention. I had a doctors appointment" Callum lied. 

Stuart looked puzzled. "Doctors? But you never said...are you alright?"

Callum smiled."Yeah I'm fine dont worry. It was routine for the sepsis" he said showing his wrists. 

Stuart looked alarmed when he saw the bandages. 

"Dont worry" Callum said quickly spotting Stuart's alarm. They just decided they were a bit quick to have the dressing off so they just did me a new one and ive got more here" he said pointing to the bag. And i mentioned about not feeling hungry so they gave me some pills to stop the sickness. And i go back in 2 weeks to have it all checked" he said hurriedly.

Stuart looked overwhelmed. 

"Right" he said, okay well that's good. I wish you would have told me, i would have come with ya". 

Callum shook his head "Sorry i forgot and honestly it's fine Stu". 

Stuart nodded "Okay well you better call Benny Boy. He came round earlier all fired up" he said.

Callum laughed saying "Ok il go see him in a minute". 

He went into his room and sat on the bed. He closed his eyes and breathed in through his nose and out of his mouth. The lying to everyone was exhausting him. 

Knock. Ben opened the door and he felt a wave of emotions as he saw Callum. Ben stood there for a moment staring at him and then he threw himself on him in a hug. 

"Ouch" Callum spluttered. Ben your squashing me". 

Ben let go.

"I'm sorry i just....why didnt you anwser my calls? I've been worried sick and you wernt at your flat and..." 

Callum put a hand on Ben's shoulder cutting him off.

"I know im sorry" he said. I forgot i had a doctor's appointment today". 

Ben stared confused. "Doctors? What?" he questioned. 

Callum smiled.

"Yeah i had a routine check up with the doctor. I forgot to tell you sorry". 

Ben shook his head saying "But you went mental at me when i said..?"

Callum nodded.

"I know im sorry, i just lost it when you said.about eating and...." 

He touched Ben's face.

I'm sorry" he said sincerely.

Ben nodded feeling his annoyance melt away. 

"Well are you ok? What did the doctor say?"

Callum replied "They took the dressing off too soon so ive got a new one and I've got some pills to help with the sickness and not eating".

Ben nodded, "Right ok well that's good". 

He looked at Callum's wrists which were bandaged up and stroked them gently. 

"Does it hurt?" he asked softly. Callum smiled at Ben's touch.

"A bit" he anwsered. 

Ben took his hand and led him inside the house.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy, soft scenes between the boys after the angst.

Callum and Ben lay in the bed, Callum's head resting on Ben's chest and Ben stroking his hair. 

"Im sorry" Callum whispered. 

"Ssh I'm the one that's sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you so hard" Ben replied gently running his hands through Callum's hair. 

"No i was out of order" Callum insisted sitting up and looking at Ben. What i said about not being dead i...", he broke off looking down at the bed. 

Ben cupped Callum's chin and gentley lifted it up to look at him. 

"Its ok. You were right. What happened at the warehouse, its on me". 

Callum shook his head horrified but Ben continued.

" I messed up with Keanu, everything at Christmas I....it's because of me you got hurt and you've got every right to be mad". 

Callum reached for Ben's hand saying "Ben what i said..i didnt mean it. I just didn't want to see a doctor but i didnt mean it. I dont blame you i promise". 

Ben looked at him in loving disbelief.

"Really"? he asked quietly. 

Callum held the side of his face tenderly.

"Yes really". 

After a moment Ben nodded accepting Callum's words. 

"Okay" he whispered blinking back tears.

Callum smiled apologetically and they rested their heads together. In that moment it was just them against the world and they could face anything together. 

"Okay you win" Ben insisted rolling his eyes. Chicken barbecue isn't the worst". 

Callum laughed as he watched him sample a slice of pizza. They had ordered a takeaway and Callum had insisted that Ben try chicken barbecue. Ben watched him affectionately. 

"What" Callum asked noticing Ben staring. 

Ben grinned shaking his head, "It's just....this is nice...you know eating and hanging out". 

Callum returned Ben's smile.

"Yeah it is" he agreed. 

He leant forward and kissed him. They broke apart after a few moments. Ben tweaked Callum's chin, 

"Stay here tonight" Ben whispered. 

Callum nodded smiling. "Okay" he agreed.

Callum opened his eyes as he came around. He looked at Ben who was sleeping next to him. He looked peaceful and handsome. Callum smiled fondly and traced his face. He quietly got out of the bed and went to the bathroom. He flushed and washed his hands and then looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked better than he had the last few days although still pale and he had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. He gingerly felt his wrists which were aching slightly. He crept back into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. He was relieved him and Ben were on good terms again, he hated it when they rowed. Ben stirred sleepily and opened his eyes. He noticed Callum sitting on the bed and sat up slowly. 

"Callum?" he asked. 

Callum turned around and smiled. 

"Hey" he said softly. 

Ben returned the smile asking "What you doing up?" 

Callum replied "Just went toilet that's all".

Ben studied him for a moment.

"Sure your ok?" He enquired. 

Callum smiled slightly, Ben knew him so well.

"Yeah just...my wrists hurt a bit that's all" he answered.

Ben sat next to him and gentley stroked them.

"Do the meds not help?" 

Callum nodded.

"They do" he reassured him, the pain just comes back after a while. Usually at night".

Ben kissed them and said "I'm sorry. I hate what Keanu did". 

Callum shook his head shushing him. "I told you, this ain't your fault" he insisted. 

They were silent for a while and then Ben insisted on Callum coming into bed. They lay there and Ben held Callum until he drifted off to sleep.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More cute scenes between Ben and Callum.  
> Callum gets a nasty shock on his way home but is all as it seems?

Ben stirred sleepily and slowly opened his eyes. He looked next to him where Callum lay sleeping peacefully. Ben smiled as he took in his features. He always liked watching Callum sleep. Having Callum near him always made Ben feel better, especially since the kidnap. He didnt think he would ever get the horrific images of his boyfriend half dead out of his head but he was here, he was alive. Ben brushed a lock of hair out of Callum's eyes watching him. He felt fiercely protective of him now, not that he wasn't before but it had increased dramatically since Keanu had kidnapped and tortured Callum. Ben lightly touched Callum's wrist which was covered in dressing. He felt sick every time he saw them and was reminded of how he had been trussed up like an animal. He shook his head, it was no use dwelling on it for Callum needed him. He was more vulnerable than he let on and Ben was determined to do whatever it took to keep him safe and happy. 

Callum shifted slightly and opened his eyes. He stared blankly for a moment not seeing. Ben lightly stroked his hand with his thumb, Callum blinked and then focused on Ben. He smiled as his boyfriend came into his focus. 

"Hey you" Ben said softly. 

He stroked Callum's cheek and Callum rested his cheek into Ben's hand smiling.

"Did you sleep ok?"

Callum looked at him with those blue eyes.

"Yeah thanks" he anwsered. 

Ben smiled and rubbed his shoulder. His face turned serious when he looked at Callum's wrists.

"How are your wrists?" He asked.

"A bit stiff but okay" Callum said reassuringly.

Ben nodded and tenderly touched Callum's wrists. Callum smiled at his touch. 

"Let's get some breakfast yeah?" Ben asked.

Callum smiled and followed him downstairs.

Ben put a glass of water in front of Callum. 

"Thanks" Callum said. 

"No worries il put some toast on like a good wife" Ben teased winking at him. 

Callum laughed and took a sip of water. Ben buised himself with making toast and coffee. 

"Walfords finest" Ben said mockingly placing coffee and toast on table. 

Callum smiled fondly at Ben's humour.

"Butter or jam Mr Highway?" Ben teased.

Callum rolled his eyes saying "i can spread my toast you know". 

Ben raised his eyebrows still teasing. Callum sighed 

"Go on then, butter thanks". 

Ben grinned that he had won and spread butter on the toast. 

"Thanks" Callum said shaking his head in mock annoyance. 

Ben and Callum strolled across the square holding hands. 

"You sure you don't want to keep me company at the car lot?" Ben asked. 

Callum laughed shaking his head. "You need to get some actual work done Ben Mitchell" he said mockingly.

Ben grinned and pulled Callum into a kiss. "Alright well if you change your mind just call" he said winking. 

Callum laughed and waved him goodbye. As tempting as it was to spend the whole day with Ben, Callum knew his boyfriend too well. He would get no work done. He headed towards the flat and froze when he saw a tall bearded guy wearing a cap by the door. Callum felt his heart plummet and his legs stayed rooted to the spot. 

No it couldn't be he thought wildly. 

He felt his lungs drowning in terror and his brain was screaming for him to get away but Callum couldn't move. His body wouldn't let him. The door opened and Rainie appeared. He saw the guy pass something to her and she quickly slipped him some money. As the guy walked past Callum caught a glimpse of his face and relief overwhelmed him when he realised it wasnt Keanu. Callum slowly stumbled towards the wall and leant against it catching his breath. Of course it wasnt Keanu he thought to himself, get a grip.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum is in shock after mistaking the guy for Keanu. He confronts Rainie over what he saw and lands himself in a sticky situation.

Callum gulped in fresh air his body still shaking from what had just happened. He took some deep breaths trying to calm himself down. As the adrenaline slowly wore off he felt shame creeping through. For a moment he had actually thought that guy was keanu and had frozen like some terrified, little boy. Callum shook his head, what was wrong with him? How could he be so stupid? What would his Dad think? Callum felt disgust and self hatred as he thought about Johnno. He knew he was a homophobic git and a useless father but he still had his voice in his head calling him a pansy. Callum closed his eyes breathing in and out. After a few moments a thought struck him. That guy had given Rainie something and he hadnt been a delivery guy. Callum felt suspicion as he remebered Rainie giving him money. He didnt want to jump to conclusions but it all seemed a bit dodgy. Callum opened the door and went inside the flat. The living room was empty. Callum heard a sound coming from the bathroom and noticed the door was ajar. He poked his head around and froze when he saw what Rainie was doing. She was kneeling down on the floor sniffing a substance and a empty bag lay next to her. 

"Rainie?" He said shocked. 

Rainie gasped and her head snapped up wildly when she saw Callum. She snatched the bag and jumped to her feet staggering slightly.

"Cccallum" she slurred her eyes wide with panic. I uh..i can explain".

Her arms were flailing everywhere and she swayed as she attempted to explain the scene. Callum shook his head as the realisation that Rainie was back on drugs hit him. 

"Your back on the gear" Callum stated. 

Rainie shook her head "No no" she exclaimed its not what it looks like".

Callum laughed in disbelief. 

"That's exactly what it is!" He exclaimed anger rushing in. My brother he..he loves you Rainie! How can you do this to him?!" 

Rainie's face screwed up and she grabbed her head with her hands. 

"I know i know" she moaned. I'm sorry i just, i needed a fix!". 

Callum ran his hands through his hair.

"Why Rainie?' He asked in despair. You were doing so well". 

Rainie nodded pacing the bathroom. " I know i know im sorry i wont do it again i promise". 

Callum stared at her sadly. 

"Stuart he needs to know" he said.

Rainie froze shaking her head.

"No no you cant tell him Callum please". 

She stared at him wild eyed shaking.

" It will ruin everything. Please please Callum dont tell him. I won't do it again i swear". 

Callum sighed feeling anger and frustration over the earlier incident and at Rainie for putting him in this position. 

"I'm sorry Rainie. He's my brother i cant keep this from him" Callum said determined. 

Rainie stood shaking her head still jabbering. Callum turned and walked away.

Callum poured a glass of water and sipped it. His hands were shaking slightly, his heartbeat was still fast and he had a sick sensation in his stomach. Rainie appeared by the doorway staring at him. Callum sighed, he didnt have the strength for a confrontation. 

"Rainie" he said look im sorry but Stuarts my brother, i can't keep this from him".

Rainie nodded "Yeah i get it" she said, highway boys always looking out for each other". 

Callum nodded unsure where she was going with this. Rainie looked at him a smile playing on her lips.

"Your a good little boy arent you Callum? Not like your brother getting into trouble. Your good and decent and honest". 

Rainie emphasised the word honest. Callum felt an uneasy sensation in his stomach, he didnt know what Rainie was getting at but he didnt like it. 

"Yeah well stu he's made mistakes but hes a good man" Callum said evenly. 

Rainie nodded still smiling.

"Stuart hes, hes protective isn't he of the people he loves" Rainie said.

Callum looked at her questioningly.

"Yeah" he said.

Rainie pulled out a crumpled leaflet from her pocket. Callum felt his stomach drop. 

"Naughty Callum, you haven't been telling lies have you"? Rainie asked mockingly.

Callum felt a mixture of anger and humiliation.

"You've been snooping in my room?' he asked trying to hide his anger. 

Rainie snorted.

"I needed some hair gel actually and with your brother being bald yours was the only option".

Callum shook his head trying to keep calm.

"I dont remember my hair gel being in the bin" he said losing patience. 

Rainie smiled nastily.

"Yeah well butter fingers, i dropped it and well i always have been too nosey for my own good". 

Callum nodded his temper rising.

"So how about you keep my little secret and i'll keep yours?" She said. 

Callum shook his head.

"What showing him some stupid leaflet from the doctors? What's that going to prove? Its just information aint it?' he insisted trying not to show his fear.

Rainie nodded.

"True but it is all a bit suspicious what with you disappearing all day yesterday and conveniently forgetting to mention you had a doctor's appointment. And it's funny the first aid box its all messed up". 

Callum laughed bravely.

"So?" 

Rainie smirked at him.

"Oh Callum your not very good at covering your tracks are you? There was blood on it and your the only one who would be using it. Oh and sorry i forgot to mention".

She pulled out a receipt. 

"The dates you got your prescription don't add up". 

She stood there looking satisfied she had all the evidence she needed. Callum stared at her furiously. 

"Okay" he said shakily, I'll keep your dirty little secret". 

Rainie smiled "Good" she said. No hard feelings ay? I like you Callum but i aint losing Stuart".

Callum shook his head.

"Your going to do that all by yourself anyway" he said. 

Rainie looked at him and a flicker of sadness and regret appeared on her face. Then she turned and disappeared into the bedroom. Callum collapsed into a chair and buried his face in his hands as recent events overwhelmed him.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callum is reeling after Rainie's threats but Stuart provides a distraction. A bit of Ballum loving on the famous car lot desk.

Callum sat staring into his glass of water feeling hopeless at his situation. He hated the idea of hiding Rainie's relapse from Stuart but he couldn't risk her exposing his lies. Stuart would want to know why he lied about the doctor and then questions about the blood on the first aid box would be asked and Callum didnt know how he would get out of it. It was too suspicious and he had only just managed to reassure his brother's worries. Well mostly, for Callum knew Stuart still had doubts but he also knew that Stuart hated upsetting him. Callum felt guilty for playing on that but it made life easier. But he also knew that as much as Stuart would do anything to keep him happy, he wouldn't be able to stand back if he found out Callum lied about the doctors. And Callum couldn't be sure that Rainie or Stuart wouldnt then tell Ben and that would be worse. Callum sighed deeply wishing he had never hurt himself in the first place. He heard the door and footsteps. He looked up as Stuart came in. 

"Alright bruv" he said cheerfully. "You and Benny Boy alright now?" 

Callum smiled weakly. 

"Yeah we're good" he replied. 

Stuart smiled "Good good" he said. Where's Rainie?" 

Callum shifted in his seat. 

"Oh um i think she's taking a nap" he said casually. Uh your in a good mood". 

Stuart pulled up a chair next to him and began enthusiastically telling him about some funny customers and their wacky funeral demands. Callum half listened smiling and nodding along. He glanced at the bedroom door wondering whether Rainie was still out of it. 

"Why don't i make us some lunch hey bruv?" Stuart asked. Heloooo Callum?" 

Callum did a double take.

"Yeah" he anwsered flustered. Umm tell you what why dont we go cafe? My treat?" 

Stuart beamed at him.

"Cafe it is then. But lunch is on me". 

Callum started to protest but Stuart insisted. 

"I should wake Rainie, see if she's hungry" Stuart added. 

Callum's eyes widened in alarm.

"No!" he said quickly.

Stuart looked taken aback. 

",Uh I just mean we should let her sleep, she was pretty nackered. And anyway it will be nice just us highway brothers like old times" Callum said haistly. 

Stuart smiled looking touched. 

"Yeah" he said your right that would be nice". 

He looked at Callum chuffed.

"Good idea mate", he laid his hand on Callum's cheek briefly and then they left to the cafe. Lunch at the cafe was surprisingly easy, Stuart spoke most of the time and Callum just had to smile and nod along. It went quite quickly and then Stuart had to go back to work. Callum laid back in his chair and sighed in relief. He didnt want to go back to the flat with Rainie there, he scowled at the fact she had taken one of his safe spaces away. He played with his fork thinking and then smiled when he remembered his other safe space. 

Ben looked up as the door of the car lot opened and smiled when he saw Callum.

"Hey you" he said happily. This is a nice suprise". 

Callum chuckled and placed his hands on Ben's shoulders kissing him. Ben responded enthusiastically and before long they were making love on the desk. Afterwards they laid on the floor in blissful silence. 

"Suppose we better get changed" Ben said standing up. 

Callum pouted "We dont have too" he suggested.

Ben laughed at the puppy dog eyes Callum made. 

",You are a bad influence on me Callum Highway" he joked pulling on his trousers. 

Callum laughed and then got up and started getting dressed.

"I quite like you surprising me like that at work" Ben said buttoning up his shirt. 

Callum smiled "The views quite nice too" he anwsered. 

Ben's face broke out in a pleased, slightly shy grin he only reserved for Callum. 

"I like this spontaneous side to you" he teased winking at his boyfriend.

It was Callum's turn to blush.

"What can i say, i learnt from the best" he said smiling. 

Ben's cheeks went pink and his eyes twinkled. His face softened slightly as he took Callum's hand. 

"I didnt hurt your wrists did i?" He asked tenderly. 

Callum smiled touched at the concern.

"No they're ok", im ok. More than ok" he replied softly. 

Ben watched him adoringly and then they embraced. Callum closed his eyes feeling blissful and safe in Ben's arms and wishing he could stay there forever.


End file.
